War is Coming
Start writing a post

War is Coming

Each year it returns to haunt Christians, the war on Christmas.

War is Coming

Well, folks, it’s that time of year again! That’s right, suit up because we are waging a war on Christmas.

Now the plans are still being worked on but we PC crazed, liberal, atheists are taking bold steps beyond what we have done in years past.

For example:I

It won't just be Starbucks taking Christmas off of their cups this year, in fact, everyone will be taking Christmas off of their cups, they aren't even going to have cups. We are forcing everyone to drink their “every holiday but Christmas” beverages out of the skulls of the children us Satanic Atheists sacrifice every Sunday while the Christians are at church.

We are getting teams together to go all around the country changing every nativity scene into homosexual orgies. All of your precious little baby Jesus’ are going to be surrounded by hardcore male on male Christmas themed sex. Just kidding, it won't be Christmas themed. We’re destroying Christmas, remember?

Don’t expect to be buying yourselves any of those trees that you claim to be “Christmas trees.” Actually, before I explain what we are doing to the trees, they are not Christmas trees most are Fir, Pine, Spruce, Cypress, or Cedar trees. They are not Christmas trees, you can’t even label them like that they aren't even the same species of tree as a whole. Anyway, don’t expect to be buying any, we have already pre-bought every one of your precious trees and we are in the process of destroying every one of them on the planet. We are having a huge bonfire where we will be using bibles as kindling.

Santa Claus has already been abducted from the North Pole, we will be broadcasting his execution live on every television station and all over the internet. Your little Christian children will not receive presents and they will finally know the truth that none of you Christians want them to know. Santa Claus is a Middle Eastern man.

We have contracted gangs and have paid off the police, anyone caught singing Christmas Carols will be either brutally beaten or arrested on the spot. Anyone caught saying Merry Christmas will suffer a similar fate.

You have been warned. Do not try and stop us, we have grown far too powerful. This year Christmas will DIE!
Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Chris Barbalis

One of the best things about summers in college is getting to go home. Yes, we work ungodly hours but at least we get to come back to our own bed and mom's cooking. I sat in my dorm back in May counting down the finals that I had left until I was able to go back to where I grew up. It's hard to think though that I'll never have the chance to count that down again.

Keep Reading... Show less

I Love You, Summer Love

Summer love isn't just for the summer this time.


Ahhh, summer love.

Keep Reading... Show less

When in your life will you have the opportunity to live in a foreign country, to explore a new part of the world, not as a tourist? The answer is right now. 

Keep Reading... Show less

Do Millennials Suck Because Of Their Parents?

You, our parents, gave us the tools to become the entitled, lazy people the millennial generation is filled with.

Do Millennials Suck Because Of Their Parents?

Baby boomers and older generations are constantly referring to millennials as entitled. Constantly claiming that we have been babied and handed everything; we lack morals and work ethic. We are unable to hold conversations because we don't know how to pull ourselves away from a screen, and we are self-absorbed. In reality, some of this may be true. But you made us this way.

Keep Reading... Show less

My (Mis)adventures In Online Dating

A/S/L? Cupid get lost!


Tinder, JDate, Plenty of Fish, OKCupid, Chemistry.com, Match, Zoosk — just a few of the names of big companies that promise to get you a date/potential partner. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I haven’t tried all of these options, because I have. I haven’t been on a date in over a year and I haven’t actually dated anyone in almost two and a half years. Now, I won’t lie, I’m not the prettiest color in the box, but aside from that, I do have plenty to offer. I have a brain that I use on the daily, I’m pretty freaking smart and I’ve been told that I’m funny in the form of my total sarcasm. But alas, this isn’t a personals ad hoping that someone out there will see this and start sending me emails (but hey, if that happens, that’s OK too).

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments