I live in a country where equality seems so far away yet so close. I can see the rainbow, I am willing to spend my life looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but let's be real, does it even exist? In comparison to other countries and cultures, the United States has many qualities that should satisfy my need for equality, yet my soul is begging for a different kind. A kind of equality that can be seen, and felt but is not tangible. A type of equality where kids don't feel like the odds are against them. The type of equality where my black brother can feel like he is safe, whether his pants are sagging and his skin is tatted or if he wears a fade, a suit and carries a briefcase. The type of equality where there is no such thing as not being able to afford to go to an Ivy league school when I am smart enough to succeed at an Ivy league school. The type of equality where I know that if I am qualified for a position that I am just as likely to get the position as the oh, so common white man with connections. Although, my soul begs, pleads and prays for this type of equality...

My soul is also becoming HOPELESS.

A practical being I am. My soul is a realist and I know that the odds are against some of us. I know that my brother with the dreadlocks and tattoos will be looked at as a menace to society, and will always feel endangered. Like a hunted species. I know that I can get into an Ivy league school, but I also know that I will live a life of debt afterward, because I simply cannot afford to work enough jobs, to get enough income to pay for school and have the ability to study at the same time. I know that although I may have the qualifications and knowledge for a job, I may not get it because hey! In this world it is not about what you know, it is about who you know.

Hopeless

Hopelessness is a level that I want to reach. When you are hopeless about something you are disconnected, you no longer care about things. A hopeless person lives a life where the no longer care about the past and the future is just a thought. A hopeless person lives in the moment.

I want to be hopeless

I want to be able to watch the television and see kids starving around the world, think about how restaurants throw away tons of food every night and not feel pained and confused. I want to be able to read an article about a black man killed by either law enforcement, a privileged racist, or another angry black man and not care because hey, we all have to die one day. I want to be able to have life experiences, amazing educational opportunities like studying abroad or going to an Ivy League school and not worrying about debt because we do live in a country that is trillions of dollars in debt. I want to be able to say what I want to say, when I want to say it, and to I want to say it because who cares about repercussions?

I just want to be hopeless.