I recently had a friend of mine who lives in another state reach out to me. He explained how he is going through a hard time in his life right now with his recent heartbreak, and was thinking about ending his life. Since this is something I am well familiar with, I wasn’t quick to overreact or panic. I didn’t automatically go into “work mode,” but I had a good understanding of what to say.
I say this because I am a Crisis Counselor for Crisis Text Line, which is a free, nationwide, 24/7 text line for people of any age in any type of crisis. These crises could include anger, relationship problems, bullying, depression, abuse, LGTBQ, eating disorders, anxiety, self harm, substance abuse, suicide and many more. Along with 1,500 other crisis counselors, I was trained on what to say in response to those going through these type of crises.
Being a counselor for Crisis Text Line is the best decision I have ever made because it helps me bring people from a hot moment to a cool calm and save people’s lives, including my friend’s. My friend reached out to me yesterday saying, “You know you’ve saved my life more than once right? As many times as I’ve come to you wanting to die—a few of those times I was ready and waiting.”
Even though I’m sad that my friend was feeling so hopeless, I am more than proud of myself for being able to be there for him, and ultimately save his life. My friend is not the only one; there are many people who want to end their pain through suicide right now! To be precise, someone ends their life every 40 seconds around the world. Those who die by suicide do not want to end their lives, they want to end their pain.
Many people think of mental illness and suicide as taboo. People don’t want to talk about these topics because they are embarrassed or worried they wouldn’t know what to say. But, I am here to help you.
What happens if someone approaches you saying there is no point in living or they want to end their life through suicide? You can help. And here is how:
If someone is currently taking action on killing themselves, call 911 right away, and stay with the person.
If someone does not directly say that they want to die by suicide, ask them if they are thinking about ending their life. Be straight-forward and to the point. It is a myth that talking about suicide will put the idea into the person’s head.
If they are expressing their feelings to you, remember to stay calm and treat it very seriously.
Do not panic or call 911. They trust you enough to come to you for comfort, support and help.
If possible, talk in a quiet and familiar place.
Find out when they are planning on acting on this. Do they have a plan? What items do they plan to use? Once you find these answers, act accordingly to help prevent them ending their life.
Do not yell at them or call them stupid or crazy.
Be persistent if they try to avoid the conversation.
Do not make this conversation about yourself. If the person tries to turn the conversation around to make this about you, acknowledge that.
Do not tell them their problems aren’t big enough. Even if you think their problems are irrational, understand their problems are very real to them. If their problems do seem valid and overwhelming, do not agree with them that they should end their life.
Do not say to them, “I understand how you feel.” This is not reassuring.
Express concern and empathy. Let this person know how much you care about them.
Be there for them, and willing to talk, listen and have them vent to you as much as they need. Do not rush them.
Talk to them about who and what they care about. Talk to them about their family, children, pets and friends. Bring up sports, hobbies or activities they enjoy. Do they still enjoy these? If not, agree to engage in an activity with them at a later time.
Find out who they have to help support them emotionally. Do they trust these people and talk to them about their problems often?
Urge them to reach out to family members about their suicidal thoughts; they can keep a close eye on them and offer guidance.
Help them find a support group, counselor or therapist they can see regularly.
What can they do to help themselves? Do they enjoy yoga, or would breathing techniques and meditation work better? Encourage them to be outside or spend time with animals and those they love.
Check up on them regularly.
Take notice if there is an increase in social withdrawal or isolation.
Urge them to reach out to you when they feel this way again.
Those who are suicidal are definitely having a horrible time right now and aren’t effectively coping with the stresses in their life. However, there is help and hope for a better future.
If you are feeling hopeless, don’t be afraid to reach out. Don’t tell yourself that no one cares because there are many people willing to help you.
If you are feeling suicidal, call 911, go to a hospital, text Crisis Text Line at 741741, or reach out to a family member or friend. Help is available.
If you’re interested in volunteering for Crisis Text Line and learning more of these valuable and lifelong skills, please click here to learn more.
