As I’ve gotten older I’ve started doing things in reverse. Waking up earlier, cutting the unnecessary out, reading books slower, taking in each moment without a refined brevity. My Christmas list is practically extinct. I do not need to be the first in line. I tend to prefer waiting in the back and observing. I really like observing. I take fewer pictures and keep memories in my heart and not my hard drive. Instead of looking for love on the surface, I’ve begun digging within and finding solace in it. I’ve learned a feeling can’t kill you. I’ve learned that the coolest kid in the room is the nicest.
I’ve stopped comparing my life to other’s filtered highlight reel. I cook more. I fail more. I like failing, sometimes. Sometimes it teaches me a lesson. Sometimes it burns like hell. Sometimes I amaze myself at how resilient I am. Sometimes I make a new friend in the process. Sometimes I wake up and touch my toes and smile. Sometimes I don’t.
I’ve stopped wondering and begun wandering. I’ve stopped thinking about speed bumps and begun thinking about crossroads. Because each is a different route to my destination. I’ve started wearing my heart on my sleeve. Because why not? I make more jokes, because, why not?
I’ve finally realized I owe myself joy. I owe myself an expensive cup of coffee after a long day, and I owe myself to work harder each day.
I’ve learned that communication works both ways. That telephones work both ways. That if people want to be in your life, they will make it known. I’ve learned that relationships are more complicated than we could have ever imagined. I’ve learned that you can say no and not feel guilt. I’ve learned that double toasting your bagel makes the world of a difference. I’ve learned that trying a second time, is the secret to success.
I’ve learned to stop justifying each move I make. Damn. That was a hard lesson.
I’ve learned that a perfect smile that speaks intolerance is more frightening than the monsters under my childhood bed. I learned that the bad guy can have great hair and a wicked sense of humor and the good guy can drive a beat up car. I’ve learned that we all don’t want the same dream, and thank God for that. I’ve learned I really do want world peace. And I’ve realized the greatest lesson on life, came from my second grade teacher; Keep your eyes on your own paper.
