Dear Morning Mind,
I know your tricks.
Today is horrible. The sun is too bright, your stomach is churning and you might puke acid if you move. You’re sweaty and cold at the same time. What’s the point of getting up, anyway? Just to follow the stupid rules set out by whomever you’re working with? Even if you have friends, how do you know you’re not actually alone? What’s the point of doing any work since everything is futile in the grand scheme of things and the most memorable thing about you will probably be your Facebook page that you are constantly using to unfriend others. Everything is terrible and your bed is soft and warm and you might as well embrace that unconsciousness for as long as you can, because even if your dreams are abstract and maybe even a little scary, it’s better than the reality that you’re going to be facing.
Depression, you’ve had me in your clutches before, and I’m sure that you’ll have other mornings where you and I curl up together when I'm feeling tired and weak. It’s a daily battle, and some days you are stronger than me – but I try my best to move.
That’s the key for me – movement. If I can force myself to get out of bed and complete three tasks, I make it through the day. Maybe they’re simple tasks – maybe it’s making a cup of coffee, feeding the cat, and brushing your teeth. Maybe it’s the three pills you take to make yourself not feel the way you do in the morning for the rest of the day. Maybe it’s sit up, let yourself cry a little, and get out of bed. But if you continue to lie there like a sack of potatoes you will get nowhere. You will fall back into what is seemingly blissful sleep.
And the clock keeps ticking, regardless of personal plight. You wake up and see you’ve slept through class, through work, through your therapy session for the week and you really needed someone to talk to about all this.
Getting up in the morning is hard. I’ve never been good at it. I’ve blamed it on being an insomniac, a night owl. I’ve claimed to be up all night reading when really I just sit alone in the darkness and wish that sleep would take me away from my own thoughts. But sleep is merely a reprieve from the morning world, where you must face facts and yourself in the light of day, and try to do something about it - hopefully, for the better.
Today might be a bad day. It might be a day when taking your pills seems like the only thing you can do. But you need to get up and take something with that – hydrate yourself with some nice, cold water that’ll wake you from the inside out, or coffee for the same reason (and the oh-so-sweet caffeine). Maybe treat yourself that day – get some fast food or dress yourself up, do something purely for relaxation or perhaps even work on that pile of laundry that’s been building up. Point is, you can’t sleep through your depression. It doesn't work like that. You can’t sleep through your life.
So, c’mon. Get your ass out of bed. Go face the day. It'll be okay.
Love,
The Rest of Your Brain
