Butterflies in your stomach, you feel your heart-rate increase and it feels as if it's going to beat out of your chest, and you're at a loss for words when you're in their presence; all of us girls have been down this road being around a guy we like. Can you think back to you're VERY first crush, the guy you wanted all to yourself, they guy who seemed to be everything you ever wanted and so much more?
Well, I remember mine like it was yesterday. He was going to be a Freshman the upcoming semester and I was going to be a Sophomore and boy, was I head over heels for him; what started off as a simple conversation on Facebook, led to me growing strong feelings for someone I wouldn't necessarily consider my first "love" but something very close it. But unfortunately, he (alongside a few others) broke my heart... not once, not twice, but three times. How many of you have been there? You have this guy in your life and everything seems to be perfect and then, one day, everything just changes.
You're truly not the same person after you've had your heart broken (especially multiple times by different guys) and it changes your outlook on guys, potential future relationships, and "love" in general. Unlike most girls my age, being only 18 years old, I can honestly say I've never had a boyfriend or a "real" relationship with a guy and it's hard to open up about it; I feel as if though maybe I'm missing out on something so many other girls my age get the joy of experiencing. For a while, I would constantly question when/how it's going to happen, but now I've come to realize that it'll happen when it's supposed to. Timing is everything and the right guy is definitely worth the wait.
Often times in the past, I would let the fact that maybe a guy didn't like me as much as he put out to dictate my happiness. Here this guy is, showing some form of interest in me, and it feels great to know I've caught someone's eye and they could possibly want to date me, but then, out of nowhere they decide that no, this isn't what they want anymore. I'm not what they want anymore. I'd be left with asking myself the question, "what could I have possibly done or said wrong to make them change their mind about me?" It would really bother me and put me in this sad state of mind until I was finally able to move on from that particular person. I would feel happy knowing that they found something in me that would make them interested in me, but once it stopped----I didn't know what to feel. It's almost as if, I didn't feel whole if I wasn't getting that attention from that guy I liked. My insecurities would eat me alive and they would make me feel as if though I wasn't "pretty enough" to hold a guys attention; my confidence was low and I would constantly compare myself to other girls. Lastly, I struggled with feeling like I wasn't worthy of holding a title and I'd never be looked upon as girlfriend material no how hard I tried to make any guy I was talking to at the time happy. I felt as if though guys would literally look at me and see the words "waste her" written across my forehead, because that's what they'd all do. Recently, I just went on, I guess what some would consider a "date" (for me it was a first, so I was very nervous yet a little excited because I'd never been on one) and everything seemed to be fine the whole time we were together, but unfortunately he never texted me back after that. I was struck with feeling very confused of wondering what I did/said wrong ,like I have in the past, and I just couldn't understand what went wrong. At first, it really did hurt my feelings, but it was just something I had to brush off my shoulders and move on from.
Today, I am perfectly secure in knowing that if my happiness is going to come from anywhere, it's going to come from myself and the good Lord above me. If it was meant to be with any of the guys I've had flings with or "talked" to in the past, then things would've worked out differently. I have to trust God's plan for me for with every area of my life, guys included. If I'm going to settle with anyone, I'd want it to be with Mr. Right and not just Mr. Good Enough; whoever they are, I'm sure I won't have to worry about things like not feeling pretty enough or comparing myself to another girl. With or without them I know I'm perfectly whole and I don't need them to make to make me feel complete. God's timing is perfect, and when the time is right, I know without a shadow of doubt the right guy will come my way.
