I have never been in a relationship, and I am okay with that.

Now, just because I’m saying that I’m okay with the fact that I’ve been single for almost nineteen years does not mean that I don’t want a relationship. Of course I want to be in a relationship. One of the things I’m most looking forward to in life is meeting my future husband, falling in love, and spending the rest of my life with him. But I don’t want to spend each day worrying about when that day will come.

One virtue I really need to work on is patience. I have a tendency to be extremely impatient sometimes. I mean, what’s the point in waiting for something, right? I want it to happen now!

Well, here’s the thing I’ve realized: instant gratification doesn’t lead to a fulfilling life. How boring would life be if we got everything we wanted right when we wanted it? We’d never learn to enjoy life at its absolute fullest. If everything happened to us as soon as we wanted it to, what would we have to look forward to in the future? I’m still waiting for a lot of things, and it’s through this period in my life that I’m learning to be patient. And, because I am growing more and more patient in God’s timing of all aspects of my life, I have found more and more inner peace.

I’m going to be honest, though — sometimes I do end up worrying about God’s timing in my life. I anxiously wait for one thing to happen and miss out on so many wonderful opportunities that I could have taken. When I compare the timing of things in my life to things in my friends’ lives, that’s when I start to feel uneasy. A large number of my close friends are either currently in or have recently been in relationships. While I’m extremely happy for them, it’s sometimes hard for me to watch them already be in these stages of their lives. I find myself wondering, Why am I not in that stage of my life yet?

But, something wonderful has happened to me this year—I have finally learned the answer to that question. The reason I have never been in a relationship is because I desire more than instant gratification.

What I mean is this: I am not going to settle for a relationship with a guy whose morals and values don’t match up with mine simply for the sake of being in a relationship as soon as I can. Believe me — I almost made that mistake last semester.

I was talking to a guy for a period of two weeks in the fall, and I ignored a ton of red flags throughout that time. These warning signs didn’t hit me until I talked with him about my personal boundaries and realized that we were on completely different pages. He was used to going much further physically than I would have been comfortable with, so I ended things with him. I wasn’t going to change what I believed simply for the sake of a relationship, and I am so relieved that I didn’t.

Growing up, my mom always told me that she hoped I wouldn’t end up with the first guy I dated. She wanted me to make sure I knew what I wanted in a future husband, and she didn’t want me to settle for the first guy who showed interest in me. I, being my naïve self, told her not to worry — I knew myself well enough to know what I wanted in a guy.

Unfortunately, when the time in my life came around that a guy did show interest in me, I kind of took the list of character traits I wanted in a future husband and pushed that to the back of my mind. I was unintentionally settling, but luckily, it only took me a few weeks to realize it.

I have learned an extremely important lesson: Do not settle for a guy solely because you’re his first choice. Don’t be in a relationship with somebody who you don’t completely feel comfortable with, regardless of how much they may like you. This goes in the other direction as well. Even if a guy is your first choice and you 110 percent want to be with him, don’t be in a relationship with him if you know he doesn’t 110 percent want to be with you. You can’t force feelings, and you certainly can’t force love. Everybody deserves to be somebody’s first choice.

Throughout all of this, my morals and values have remained constant. I have a set of standards which I will strongly adhere to, and I have faith that God will put a man in my life who will exceed them.

I will wait for a man who will make me want to be a better person. I will wait for a man who will patiently listen to me without interrupting. I will wait for a man who will not only respect my boundaries, but hold me accountable for them. I will wait for a man who encompasses the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I will wait for a man who will make me laugh harder than ever before, even on my worst days. I will wait for a man who will make me genuinely, 110 percent happy. I will wait for a man with whom I can talk about anything and everything at any time. I will wait for a man who will undoubtedly be my best friend. I will wait for a man who will lead me closer to God. Most importantly, I will patiently wait for God to bring a man in my life who possesses all of these qualities and more.

I am delaying instant gratification, and I couldn’t be happier.