Dear Journal,
Isn’t it funny how a lot of us say we are going to do something, but never actually follow through with it? Just like my past friends in high school who constantly said “let’s hangout” but never do? Well, I guess you could say I’m guilty of the same stupid flaw, saying but never doing. Today, for the first time in a while, I followed through with something I never thought I would get to do this summer. I went paddle boarding. I know it may not seem like a huge deal, but there is so much more behind it than you think. Many times throughout life, I have been so curious as to know what it might be like to do certain things. Sky dive, going abroad for a semester, even travel to California without my family this time, go to Coachella (I know, this is basic) and yes, paddle boarding. These things have only ever existed as possibilities and yes, they could become experiences, but the problem is that I am too scared of change. I wonder what it is going to be like if I go away and come back and absolutely no one remembers me. I prevent myself from fulfilling such because I am afraid of what might happen if I finally start living, and that’s what makes me wonder. What will happen if I actually start living? And today, I learned that my curiosity leads to unlocking the things the make up little pieces of me and paddle boarding was my first completed piece of my self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was worried at first that my plans might not follow through once the young man at the register told my family and I that there was a miscommunication. We had been signed up to take an hour beginners surf class, not a stand-up paddle board lesson. The unsettling feeling of disappointment arose in me. I had rushed to get out of my 7 hour shift at work on time, to make it here to accomplish a summer goal of mine and we were not going to be able to do it. “Let me see if I can find someone to take you out today," the young man said once he researched the let-down that was written all over our faces. Thirty minutes later, I heard a heightened pitch of satisfaction in his voice…we’re going to be going out after all. Once we drove 10 minutes up the road to our new location, we met up with an elderly man by the name of Keith. Keith was quite a calming and exciting character for his age, still competing in paddle board competitions and coming in place as number one. “This is the first time they have forced me to come down to teach a lesson," he spoke with the widest grin I have ever witnessed.
A few signed wavers later, we listened to the directions given and within 20 minutes, were set off to learn for ourselves. I got my board in the water and stood up tall, tightening my stomach and keeping my stance upright. The first few minutes were a disaster, my family and I looked like a bunch of chickens searching for their heads. I ended up back on shore within five minutes, the take-off was quite challenging. Once I got back on my board, I hit a wall of rocks and quickly begun getting irritated with myself. The instructor and my 15-year-old brother were right on track, but my parents, sister and I were still struggling. I finally decided enough was enough. “Stop thinking like a girl," said the instructor, and something inside of me turned on. I pushed off the rocks and rushed to catch up with them. I’ll show you a girl, I thought. As I glided just a foot behind them, he turned to me with a smile. Somehow, somewhere, it’s as if he knew what would push me… and he was right. I sent back with a grin of accomplishment, “You should tell your girl trainees that more often." He let out a lowkey husky laugh of amusement, how odd that he knew.
Catching my balance and gliding on the water made me feel so elegant and yet so…powerful. I was able to keep up with the instructor and my brother the full way through because I did what I was told, to stop thinking like a girl. I was in control. I could move the board in whatever direction I wanted. I was able to cut through the waves made off by passing speed boats and not once fell off. A couple miles down the river, I found that I had lost complete track of time and in that time, for the first time in a while, I felt at peace with myself. Turning around a little while later, heading back upstream, I realized that I had a lot more strength in me than I realized. I was able to keep up with the rest of them and, although it may be surprising to those boys, I am a girl who was able to hold my own. When I came back to the shore, I set my board on the rack and ore on the ground, breathing in the crisp air around me. Turning to the river, I watched as my sister and parents made their way to shore. I did it. I finally followed through with something I wanted to do. It was in that moment that I realized that you have to do what you want in order to find who you are.
Sincerely,
Me
