This year was the first year I was able to vote in any election. Initially, I was excited. I had been following various political races throughout high school, which helped to form my opinions on parties, politicians, and my belief system in general. I was determined to be a well-informed voter in all aspects of the election, not just the presidential race. I believed that my vote would count for something. However, when I stepped up to the polling booth last Monday, I didn't feel ready or as if my votes would matter.
I don't side with any political party, especially not the main two. (Although, if I had to pick one, it would probably be Libertarian.) I do tend to lean toward the left on most issues, however, the candidate themselves is just as important as where they stand on issues, in my opinion. Therefore, I felt it was my duty to familiarize myself with as many candidates as possible to get the best picture of the political playing field as I could. Last fall, during the preparation for the primaries, I watched multiple different debates. I watched a dozen Republican Candidates debate at the Reagan Library. I watched five Democratic Candidates debate. I was expecting to side with at least one candidate about SOMETHING. However, there weren't any that I really felt strongly about; not even Bernie Sanders. (Has your jaw dropped yet?) The few that I did feel drawn to support dropped out before the primaries or didn't make it past them. The more time that went on, the more discouraged I began to feel. I knew within the first few months of 2016 that no candidate would have my full support. When it was announced that it would be Hillary Clinton versus Donald Trump versus Gary Johnson (a Libertarian), I knew that my prior hunch had been proven correct.
Because of that, I turned my attention to the Indiana gubernatorial election. Gubernatorial elections are arguably even more important than the presidential race because they affect citizens much more directly. Up until the summer, that election was much more cut and dry for me. Why? I loathe Mike Pence. I think he has done nothing but damage to Indiana over the course of his term. I don't think he's a good person. Basically, I hate him and what he's done and I think he sucks as a governor, person, and politician in general. I knew that I would be voting for ANYONE but him. However, when it was announced that he was running for Vice President alongside Donald Trump, the gubernatorial election became more murky for me for a while.
I felt lost in the political world. I've discovered that I don't like politics. It has been a long time since they were about the people. They have been reduced to power plays, saying what voters want to hear, and horrible, insult-driven campaigns. Maybe politics have always been like this. But they felt especially vitriolic this election season as I watched the awful statements being spread across my Facebook. I watched my friends "debate" (when really they were just attacking each other for differing opinions) and refrained from posting my own views. The few times I did, somebody tried to prove me "wrong" or "unrealistic" and I didn't feel like arguing or dealing with all of that crap. I don't believe that either of the two major party candidates are fit to sit in the Oval Office. The one I actually kind of like has little chance of winning. Either way, in my opinion, we are doomed in some way.
I felt a bit bitter that this mess was the first election I got to vote in. There is no such thing as a consensus when it comes to politics, of that I am aware. However, I don't remember the last election season spawning such brutal, cruel comments or a lack of respect amongst voters. It's almost been childish and primeval and I've not enjoyed being exposed to it. I've found myself frequently wishing for different candidates and for the election season to be over. I've also found myself feeling less and less like it matters who I vote for. I'll cancel out someone else's choices, so that won't matter. I have no control over the electoral vote, which really decides who wins, so why does it matter what I think?
In the end, I was torn between voting for my conscience or voting for the lesser of two evils. Anyone that has been around me over the past few weeks knows that I am livid about Trump's horrendous and grossly inappropriate comments toward women. I am offended by them, because he is indirectly making those statements toward me. (Think about that for a second. When Trump says these horrible things, he is referring to the women in your life. Your mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, favorite teacher, doctor, best friend, etc. If thinking about him saying those things to someone you love doesn't make your blood boil then I have no idea what will.) I refuse to stand for that and I refuse to stand for the idea of building a wall and screening Muslims before they enter the country. I don't believe that we should allow someone with those hateful beliefs to hold a powerful government office. Who knows what he'll (try to) do if we let him?
Clinton has definitely lied about and hid something. Who knows if she is honest? We will never have proof because she will never be prosecuted. However, she does not demean minorities. I still don't want to support such a blatant liar. All politicians lie but rarely do they get caught up in a scandal this large. So, do you trust a liar or a hateful individual?
My conscience holds out far too much hope that Gary Johnson will win. I know that it is completely unlikely, but that is what I scream for. I knew that if I voted for him, I'd essentially be throwing my vote away.
When it came to the gubernatorial choices, I saw Eric Holcomb, the current Lieutenant Governor of Indiana, as an extension of Pence.
I am a firm believer that a voter's choices are completely confidential. In future elections, maybe I'll hold my cards closer to my chest, too. However, I am not ashamed to say that I threw my vote away. When it came down to a liar or a monster, I felt that I couldn't support either. In order to live with myself, I felt that I needed to vote for the candidate I could more fully back, and that candidate was Gary Johnson.
Now, you don't have to agree with me. I don't expect you to. But please, do not try to change my mind. There's no point. I've voted, it's already done. There is nothing I can do now. Even if I hadn't voted already, there is little chance that you could convince me to vote for Trump or Clinton. I don't change my mind easily.
All I ask of you is to take this as a reminder to vote by November 8th. It doesn't matter who you vote for. It doesn't matter if the electoral vote decides, if you feel like your votes are meaningless, if you can't figure out who to vote for. What's important is that you get out there and do it. Let your voice be heard whenever you have the opportunity to.
