Let's be honest, we're SOL this election year. One candidate is a corrupt liar and the other is a racist, ableist bigot. It is a difficult decision when both options are extremely problematic, so how nice would it be if there was another option? I know just about everyone has seen the movie Napoleon Dynamite, so we all remember when Pedro Sánchez ran for class president. He easily beat out Summer Wheatley at Preston Senior High School, so why couldn't he beat out these two in the real presidential election?
1. He Has "Skills"
Even though Pedro doesn't have nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, and computer hacking skills like Napoleon does, he does indeed have a sweet bike and is also good at hooking up with chicks. Not to mention, he's the only guy in school with a mustache.
2. He Knows The Dangers Of Global Warming
Pedro shaved all of his hair off because of how hot it was. Instead of driving a car and contributing more to this problem, Pedro has a sledgehammer he rides around. He has shocks, pegs, and can get like three feet of air when he takes it on sweet jumps. People can learn a lot by following in Pedro's footsteps to help save the environment.
3. He Will Make All Of Your Wildest Dreams Come True
Although Pedro is a man of few words, he mentioned in his speech that he will "make all of your wildest dreams come true" if you vote for him. Who could say no to that? I have to say, that sounds much more promising than anything either of our current candidates have said so far.
4. Pedro Offers You His Protection
With family as supportive and protective as Pedro's, you should always feel safe and secure while he's in charge. No one would mess with our country so that would never have to be a worry in people's minds.
5. He Is Bilingual
Being a Mexican-American, Pedro knows both Spanish and English. This could greatly improve the relations between these two countries and other Spanish speaking countries as well.
Why choose between the lesser of two evils when you can have a perfectly fit candidate instead? It's only right and it only makes sense.
