About six months ago, I was sitting in the office at my first internship. It had been almost a week since my first serious boyfriend and I broke up. Absentmindedly typing things in my laptop and trying to seem busy, I was holding back tears and trying (and failing) to deal with the pain of the loss and picture how my life would be different without him. All I could do was replay fond memories in my head and look through old pictures on my computer. I remember texting my dad that day, describing how I was feeling, and repeating "I just want to go home." I was just venting and wasn't expecting much of a reply other than "I'm sorry," but instead he told me something that I to this day apply to every trial or hardship I experience.
My dad said to me, "You need a vitamin, not an aspirin." At first, I was really confused. I took it literally and thought he meant I needed to take vitamins. I thought he was crazy. Then he explained himself and it made much more sense.
The way that I was dealing with my breakup at the time was similar to the way an over-the-counter pain reliever works. Looking at old pictures of us, laying in bed with a pint of ice cream and a movie playing, and binge-sleeping throughout the day might make me feel better temporarily, but as soon as the "drug" would wear off, I'd realize the illness was still there, I had just numbed the symptoms for a little bit. My dad, however, was suggesting I make myself healthy.
He encouraged me to throw myself into my work, into this amazing opportunity to get first-hand experience for my future career. He advised me to get back to doing what I love, which is writing. He urged me to focus on myself as a person and discover what I love about myself, which I was not in a good position to do at the time with my low confidence level. My dad pushed me to find my strengths and improve on them, to direct my attention to the things I could fix and not just numb the things that I couldn't.
This is one of the most stressful seasons of the year for college students. Long-distance relationships are ending, grades are deteriorating, finals are coming up, and students are getting homesick. There's a lot of pain, stress, and sadness associated with the closing of a semester, and many of us are just too tired and worn out to do anything about it, so we just sit and mope and let it happen. We shut down and we don't have the will or energy to make the necessary changes to be okay again, to feel happy and successful.
It's much easier said than done to pull yourself together when things feel like they are falling apart. But I promise you, it is the best thing you will ever do for yourself. Pain is such a learning experience that will stick with you forever. You will look back at the trial you went through and think, I won. You triumphed over the stress that was competing to consume your state of mind, and you made something awesome and beautiful out of it.
In case you were wondering how my dad's advice affected me, I became successful at my internship and built bonds and connections that I never expected. I rediscovered my passion for writing and I let it consume me. Over time, I found reasons to love myself again, and learned how to be genuinely confident without the approval of a boy. I moved on and explored and developed other areas of my life. Today, I'm happier than I ever was before.
So I encourage you, whether it's a bad grade, the loss of a lover or a friend, the denial of a leadership position you yearned for, or simply a bunch of baggage weighing you down, don't just dull the pain. Focus elsewhere and fix it. You need a vitamin, not an aspirin.
