Victim

/ˈviktəm/

Noun

- a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action.

I was attacked by two men who thought my body was theirs to claim. I was raped, assaulted, sexually harassed, however you want to put it. People could say I’m a victim of sexual assault, but that’s not how I like to see myself.

The word “victim” has a certain stigma attached, many people victim blaming those attacked without meaning to. Victim implies I’m weak. It implies that I could’ve avoided the situation, but I chose to be partially responsible for the crime against me. Along with that, rape culture insists I could’ve done more to save myself from the situation. I could’ve fought harder, left the scene, or walk away before anything ever occurred. It’s funny that people think rape is just that simple.

I have to walk around thinking I should’ve done more to avoid becoming a “victim.” I was a victim of sexual assault and a victim of bullying in person and online. I had various attackers, yet I couldn’t escape my situations. Being a victim means I’m weak.

But I’m not a weak person, I stand up for myself and speak out about my past experiences. I don’t let my attackers bother me anymore. It’s impossible to get out of a situation once you’re in the midst. I couldn’t hit my rapist harder than I did; I couldn’t stand up to my bully without fearing she’d turn her friends against me and make the situation any worse; I couldn’t do any more than what I did.

Victim blaming for domestic abuse and rape seem pretty horrible, don’t they? Yet we hear it all the time. “Why didn’t (s)he break up with (him) after (he) hit (her)?” “She’s a whore. She got what was coming to her.” “That’s what happens when you meet someone online.” And it gets worse. “She’s going to ruin his life by taking this to court.” “I can’t believe she didn’t press charges. If he rapes someone else, it’s her fault.” "Stop playing the victim card." “Why did she speak up now? You don’t think it’s suspicious all of these women are speaking out at the same time?”

It’s not suspicious when one woman speaks out against her attacker and others follow. I can personally contest this issue. I haven’t pressed charges against my attackers because of two reasons. 1) I don’t want to face them again. I haven’t seen the one since his attack and the other since I told my family about what had happened (he was a family friend). And 2) I’m afraid of the stigma surrounding victimology and rape culture, which seems to worsen with the more publicity a case gets.

I will never agree that I am a victim. I’m not the person the stigma suggests. I’m strong and these attacks have structured me to be an advocate for other “victims.” So next time you feel pity for a victim of a crime, perhaps you can treat them like a survivor rather than a loser.