Last semester I was reading an article online about how the musical group Fifth Harmony was really maturing with their new music video for “Work From Home,” which features them in ‘construction outfits’, dancing around a construction site (if we’re all being honest though, no one would wear those outfits to a construction site). The article had mentioned their maturity, but all I saw was an awkward music video with five girls trying to act provocative, not mature. For me, this was irritating. Coming across as ‘sexy’ does not mean you’re mature. Putting yourself on display does not mean you’re mature. Throwing around the f-bomb does not make you mature. But it seems our society has decided that the mark of maturity spawns from sexuality and making yourself more ‘available’ to the opposite sex (if you know what I mean).

Now, let it be known that not everyone views maturity this way. Not everyone thinks, “Gee, to show people I’m more mature now, I’m going to go do it.” Pretty blunt, but there it is. Not everyone thinks that, which is good. I remember one day I was eating dinner with some friends, and one of the guys I was with made the comment, “I don’t see why people put a value on virginity anymore. It’s not that big of a deal to me.” I was surprised to hear the words come from his mouth, but I was also awakened to just how many people no longer put a value on virginity. I said that I still put a value on it, and he replied, “I just don’t think you should judge someone for having sex before marriage.” I explained that it wasn’t that I was judging the person for having sex, I just believe it’s supposed to be within the confines of marriage.

So here’s the deal: sexual acts and intercourse shouldn’t be performed outside the walls of holy matrimony. I fully believe that. But I also know that there are people who don’t believe that. I know that there are people I know and love that haven’t waited for marriage, but I still love them just the same. I’m not condemning the people that have lost their virginity outside of marriage. It’s their choice to do so, even if I don’t think it’s right.

We are instructed in health class to be abstinent and were even given a TIO (Think it Over) Card to sign. Some people signed it, not believing it; others signed it knowing they didn’t need a card to keep them from having sex; and others just didn’t bother signing it, no matter what their future decision was, because they thought it was stupid. We’re told in the Bible to not have carnal knowledge of another’s body until we are married (and only then should we have knowledge of our spouse’s body, no one else’s).

But what about the people that have already done it, either sober, drunk, etc.? You’re not doomed. I put a heavy value on virginity because I believe that you should wait. I want my future husband to wait. But I also know that there’s a chance that he may not be a virgin. I’m not thrilled about that prospect, but I’m not judging him either because it’s not my place to do so. Sex outside of marriage is wrong. As a Christian, I believe that. But you’re not going to go to Hell for it, either. God forgives you, ten times over. He knows your heart and the convictions you’ve felt. I know of people that have done it, and sorely regretted it afterward (I also know people that have done it and not cared). And while it breaks my heart a little that it happens, I’m not breaking ties with those people.

So why talk about all this? Besides the fact that I believe maturity does not derive from sexual acts and sensuality, I also believe that you are forgiven for anything you do when you’re filled with the Holy Spirit (of course, that doesn’t mean you should keep doing the thing you’re doing).

It’s sad to think the value on virginity has gone down in our society, but the value you place on it yourself is what matters. It’s not something you have to give away. If the person you’re with tells you, “Well if you love me, you’ll have sex with me,” you probably shouldn’t be with that person. That’s not love. Love is waiting and being respectful. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to put a value on virginity and stick to your beliefs. Just make sure you aren’t condemning anyone along the way. Everyone is going through their own battles and only God can truly help us through them. Conviction is from the Lord, condemnation is not.