Once upon a time, I was that girl squealing over roses and chocolate on Valentine’s Day. And I also participated in the silent comparison of my gifts to the gifts of those posted all over social media (you know, to get an accurate reading on the depth of emotion my significant other felt for me). And other the years, when I had no Valentine, I was also the girl making sure to celebrate with other single girlfriends by going out and declaring how much we didn’t care… although, making it a point to go out on a Tuesday night sort of indicated the opposite of an apathetic outlook come to think about it. However, almost four years into the relationship I know I will have forever, my outlook on Valentine’s Day has completely changed.

In our relationship, my motto for Valentine’s Day has always been “no gifts.” It must be said that I still love to receive flowers and chocolates, but I don’t require them on a predetermined day of the year. So what’s changed? At first I couldn’t put my finger on it, but after some reflection I figured it out: I found a stable and secure relationship devoid of games and immature bickering. I’m sure of his feelings, and he’s sure of mine. I feel like the over-sized teddy bears holding huge pink hearts are really reassurances of feelings in unstable relationships or for insecure people. To be clear, if your partner surprises you with something, I’m not calling you insecure. And truth be told, Shaun still usually does something for me. I’m referring to the people out there that would go into crisis mode without a grand gesture on February 14. I used to be her, and I’m here to tell you that Valentine’s Day loses its importance when you have the kind of guy that makes you feel special every day.

As I write this, I’m am a sneezing, coughing, sick mess of a human being. And as I write this, Shaun is lying beside me rubbing my feet while he watches TV. Earlier today he braved a five-year old's birthday party without me (complete with a Belle Barbie in hand) and returned home with a slice of Publix birthday cake (since the kiddies ate all of the birthday cake at the party), cough drops, and DayQuil cold medicine. And today is not out of the ordinary. When I got plantar fasciitis from jogging, he promptly bought me a pair of Dr. Scholls insoles. He took the time to master dippy eggs exactly how I like them and serves them to me in bed on the weekends. He is the man that held my hand and got me through a serious health crisis, and he’s also the man that spent the last three weekends putting a new roof on my parents' house. In the first few months of our relationship, he was the new boyfriend that buried my dog and held me while I hysterically cried in the rain. These gestures might not be showy, but they run deeper than any overpriced teddy bear ever could (with the exception of a puppy, HINT HINT).

I don’t want to knock any couple out there that sincerely loves to celebrate Valentine’s Day with a grand gesture because heck, why not? But I also hope you both take the time to actively appreciate all those small gestures flying under the radar the rest of the year. Those are what allow you to really let your guard down and love someone for a lifetime. And that’s what we should be celebrating on the “day of love” anyways, isn’t it?

And if you are single... I still support going out: Drink specials FTW!