When I was sitting in Harvard Square one day, I encountered an elderly woman offering free roses to the people who passed by her.

No, it wasn't a "Bachelor" spoof. It was just a sweet lady trying to brighten up a typical New England winter day reminiscent of hell freezing over.

I watched as virtually everyone bustled right by without even noticing her. Occasionally someone would stop and politely decline her offer because they didn't have a free hand or were headed to work or school; somewhere they wouldn't be able to keep it alive. But most people wove right around her as if she weren't there.

It's estimated that more than one hundred million roses are bought annually for Valentine's Day. And most of their recipients will react with gratitude and happiness that someone was caring and kind enough to make this offer. But it's not as if these roses are somehow imbued with magic that makes them so much more desirable or special. It's just the fact that gestures like this become far more valuable and sought after on this particular day.

Don't get me wrong; if someone were to offer me roses, I wouldn't refuse them or reenact one of those countless over-dramatized movie scenes where the poor innocent flowers meet their demise in the trash can. I would accept them with a profuse "thank you" and smile. My point is that whether the roses were a Valentine's present from someone I'd been in a relationship with for ages, or from a sweet stranger in the middle of the city, they'd make my heart equally as happy.

Suffice it to say that I find the concept of waiting for a specific date on a calendar to show someone how much they mean to you ludicrously inane. And this includes yourself.

I'm not talking about looking into a mirror everyday and asking, "Who's the fairest one of all?" and then replying in a different voice, "You!" I'm taking about honoring and respecting yourself without stipulations or exceptions.

You simply cannot be in a fully committed, loving relationship with anyone else, whether platonic or romantic, unless you have the same kind of relationship with yourself. You can't wholly give of yourself nor comprehend the depth of someone's love if you don't believe you deserve it.

Society has wired us to constantly be dissatisfied with who we are. Sometimes this is necessary to avoid stagnation or to put an end to something negative or detrimental. Where it becomes an issue is when it results in hurtful thoughts, words, and actions. It becomes an issue when we subscribe to an impossibly ridiculous standard and pursue it relentlessly. We must be intelligent, but not too intelligent as to be considered arrogant or a pariah. We must be honest, but not too honest so we don't risk causing dissent or treading on someone's toes. We are encouraged to be proud of our natural appearance, yet idiotic tutorials on how to achieve a "no-makeup look" by applying makeup still exist. We are told to embrace our bodies, but we're simultaneously inundated by unhealthy diets, exercise regimens, and deceptive altered images. We hear that we are just as valuable without any bells and whistles, but are then often ridiculed for going out into the public without looking our absolute best. We must be polite, but not to the extent that we end up being labeled as overly sensitive or weak. The list just goes on and on. Quite frankly, it's exhausting to even think about; it's infinitely more so to constantly strive to fulfill.

We're not worthy of some nonexistent gold star, or those aforementioned roses, unless we achieve "perfection." What a deluded concept.

Everyone has a different idea of what makes someone attractive or desirable to have a relationship with. Platonic or romantic. Unfortunately, this can be due to society's entirely unrealistic messages. But it can also be due to pure personal preference. The fact is, you literally cannot please everybody, nor should you ever entertain something so backwards.

First of all, let's dispel one particularly insidious notion: that you need anyone else's validation to be worthy of love. That's a blatant falsehood. If you happen to receive a tangible token of affection this year, that's wonderful! You are clearly loved, and merit it. If you don't, this is absolutely no indication that you are unloved or at all less deserving.

As I said earlier, over one hundred million roses will be purchased because the calendar reads February 14th. That doesn't even take into account the astronomical amount of other commercial content that will be given and received.

But the thing is, those things are essentially irrelevant when compared to embracing who you are in entirety. This includes your flaws, mistakes, failures, defeats, shortcomings, fears, demons. It involves refusing to let these pieces outweigh the positives when it comes to defining who you are.

No, you should not wave your hand and excuse things that are harmful to others. But you should stop berating yourself for complete and total untruths percolating in and poisoning your mind.

I've definitely fallen into this trap numerous times before. I constantly come up with ways to drag myself down. I invent excuses for why the compliments I receive just aren't real. I shoot any sense of accomplishment in the foot. And I wished for a relationship where I would always be reassured that I was wrong and others were right. That he would unfailingly remind me of how beautiful, special, worthy, and talented I was. That, if hearing this often enough, I would start to believe it for myself.

Neither of those things will ever happen.

If you constantly refute and redirect others' kind words, they will eventually stop giving them to you. This isn't because you are in fact all of the awful things you try to convince yourself of, nor that they're a cruel person. If someone senses that their efforts are futile, they'll sadly stop trying.

Because, to be quite blunt and plain, you cannot teach someone to love themselves. You can love them to the ends of the earth with everything you have. You can encourage them to recognize their talents and abilities. You can help them gain confidence and pride. But you cannot teach them to believe. You cannot teach them to love who they are; how to love all they are not, and all they are.

The only one who can teach you how to love yourself is YOU.

By no means have I learned how to do this myself. My fondest wish for myself, and for anyone reading this, is the strength, courage, perseverance, hope, and faith to discover this extraordinary lesson.

I'm under no false pretenses that this article will change your perception of yourself. While yes, it would be fantastic if people read this and suddenly began to think the world of themselves (you know, with appropriate amounts of humility and peacocking), but that's not reality.

What is reality is that roses die. All those gifts will eventually lose their luster, fade away, and be forgotten. Except in the case of chocolates, which will likely disappear in the matter of a few seconds.

What will not lose its importance or exquisiteness is the gift of believing in the unique, irreplaceable, and utterly miraculous human you are. When you achieve this, you will be able to experience the full gravity and ubiquity of all that true love entails.

So whether or not you have a Valentine this year, do not let anything diminish the fortitude of the knowledge that you are not only entitled to love, but that you are loved. Remind yourself of this on Valentine's Day. Remind yourself of this every damn day.

Treat yourself with the same kindness and genuine warmth that the simple offer of a bright, vibrant rose from a smiling elderly woman in the midst of the all the greyness contains.

Because recognizing the resplendence of your heart and soul? That will surely be a stunning sight to behold.