I am a person with social anxiety. Social anxiety is defined as a chronic mental health condition in which social interactions cause irrational anxiety. In simpler words, being social is scary. But obviously it is something that many people cannot avoid, especially a college student.
My anxiety story started almost one year ago. While there are many factors that contributed, with time and much thought, I have pinpointed it to a few factors. One of them was obviously being away from home for the first time. I have been away from home before, but usually at least one of my parents have been with me or someone I was close with at the time or I considered family. Going from a routine of going to school, then coming home to see my family, pets and spend time with friends into going to school and coming back to my room with very little contact with my family was tough. Another thing was a certain person in my life. This person made me feel uncomfortable in more ways than one. They would make me fear to leave my bedroom or even answer the door for someone because I may see them.
A year went by and a few medications were tested until I found one that I felt comfortable with. Coming back to college, still worried about minor things, I though I could deal with it until I walked into one of my classes and saw the same person who made me scared all throughout last year sitting in my classroom. A few weeks later, after a long and stressful day, I broke down. I decided earlier that day to not take my medication because it wasn't working as well as it once was. I came into my room and cried on the phone with my mom. After hanging up I cried more until my roommate came in and had to try and calm me down before practice.
I love practicing because I love the sport I play and I love my teammates. But that day, the thing I loved made me terrified. I didn't go to the next two practices because of the unusual fear of playing. Don't get me wrong, I get nervous before playing a game sometimes, but practice is usually different.
The beginning of this year, I would barely eat in the dining hall. Going there made me feel like vomiting. I would leave my room for only school and practice. I even remember one of my roommates friends asking why they never saw me around the campus. I answered by telling him that besides going to class and practice, I never left the room. Not to eat, or hangout with friends or even just to get some fresh air. I would ask someone to drive me to the grocery store to stock up on food so I wouldn't ever have to leave.
The next few weeks went by. I went home for a few days because I needed to be somewhere that I knew I would be safe and that I have been for a long time. I changed medications and started talking to people about my issue. At first I was embarrassed of seeing someone about what was wrong with me. But I shouldn't feel embarrassed of trying to get to know myself better and why I am the way I am.
At this moment in time, I am now going to eat a few times a day (gaining back all the weight I lost plus extra). I made goals for myself such as "Go to the dining hall during a busy time with some friends." and "Try talking to a few people I have wanted to become closer with." Now I go alone during busy times of lunch and don't get as scared and I have made a few new friends. It's weird thinking about that one day earlier this month that I was crying in my bed, scared and depressed about leaving my bed for anything and now I go out and do things alone without a thought in my mind that I can't do something.
