You tried to look me dead in the eye but you couldn't do it. Your attempt to speak with conviction in your voice failed. Instead, your voice wavered. Your lips trembled. Your arm instinctively shook. You diverted your gaze immediately after the words left your lips. I don't believe you. You don't believe you.
What's it like to live in a world where you constantly find the need to one-up everyone else? To prove you're better. To justify that every action is worth it.
You shove everyone off to the side. You struggle to look yourself in the mirror every morning. Every night. But no one knows how much it hurts. Waking up surrounded but feeling alone. But it's worth it.
Each time you apply the layers upon layers of makeup in the morning, you hope the mask is enough to hide the face you don't want people to see. When you can, you dodge interacting with anyone because you don't want them to read you. They can't find out. But this isolation, it's worth it.
You find yourself curled up in bed. It's 4 p.m. and there's no place you'd rather be than fast asleep. Dead to the world. Forgetting all the words you had spoken that day. But those words, those lies, they were worth it.
Rising every morning at the same time is important. You can't let anyone know how weak you are. You can't show your faults. You must put yourself through everything your mind is screaming to stop doing because you cannot fail in front of others. This pain, it's worth it.
But today you woke up and realized someone can see through you. Everyone can see through you. Your pretty mask of perfection, innocence and honesty isn't there.
Instead, everyone could see the false light you'd been illuminating for months now. Your lies rang loud and clear for all the hear.
You've been made.
A single tear drop rolls down your cheek. Slowly at first, but as if picks up speed, you realize the foundation you've built is cracking.
The tears you saved for when you were in the dark, alone, were starting to resurface.
Your walls you had spent months building up were suddenly crashing down.
They could see your lies. They could see your hurt. They could see your pain.
You cried for a while. Who knows how long. It felt like hours.
Your eyes open for the first time and it's dark.
Confused.
You slowly become aware of the people engulfing you in their hugs. Their tears. Their love.
Why are they there? They saw you as weak when you did your best to put on a brave face.
But bravery didn't matter to them. Every lie you spoke was lost.
The only truth that mattered to them was that you were hurting. Badly. It was unbearably painful.
They were there for you. They were always there for you. They never left you but you left them. And they were waiting for you to come back.
The lies you thought were secured inside were never bought. You never fooled anybody except yourself. But it didn't matter anymore.
The clouds slowly start to fade away. The storm is passing. The rain is stopping.
You're safe once again. But next time, don't you lie to me.
