Unstoppable. That is how I felt waking up in the morning on April 15th, 2015. I had the whole world in front of me, it seemed. High school graduation was nearing, The Cheerleading Worlds were in a week, college cheer tryouts were right around the corner, I was peaking athletically, and I was remarkably exultant. I created a design for my bright future, and nothing was going to stand in my way. So I thought.
But that unstoppable feeling, that powerful feeling, and that stimulating feeling, suddenly turned into a gut-wrenching feeling. My life changed, the evening of April 15th. I walked into the cheer gym with a smile on my face, prepared to perfect my tumbling. I stretched out several aches and tense muscles, but nothing out of the ordinary. Everything seemed normal. Around thirty minutes in, I was doing reps of running tumbling to get cardio in. Around thirty minutes in, I ran hard for a tumbling pass across the mat. Around thirty minutes in, my whole entire world seemed to go in slow motion. Around thirty minutes in, my life as I knew it changed.
Those thousands of milliseconds I spent floating in the air, felt like minutes. Minutes of pain, minutes of worry, minutes of terror. I felt lost. Lost in the air, lost in my emotions, and lost in my plan. What felt like minutes, ended swiftly when I collapsed on my side to avoid further injury. Then arose the scream, of agony. Reaching down to my right Achilles, I felt a gap. A tear. A rupture. A missing piece, that kept me in tact. Cheerleading was my Achilles heal. The rupture of my Achilles soon became symbolic, of everything I had planned for myself and a tragic end to my All-Star career. My ruptured heart soon ached farther than my ruptured Achilles.
Everything I had ever worked for, felt snatched away from me. I put my heart and soul into my sport, and it was my entire world. When the doctor informed me “your Achilles is completely torn”, I hit rock bottom. When I traveled to worlds and screamed my heart out watching my team, I hit rock bottom. When I canceled my flights to Kansas for cheer tryouts, I hit rock bottom. Everyone around me was so focused on my recovery, as I was sinking deeper and deeper into my hole of misery. I assumed this would haunt me forever. The Achilles repair only fixed my tendon, not my heart.
Days went by. Weeks went by. Months went by. I learned to live without being in the cheer gym every day of the summer, shockingly. I settled on a contingency plan for college, bummed and disappointed. Although, I got stronger every day, along with my Achilles tendon. I found happiness in other things, but nothing like how I felt doing what I loved. I rolled with the punches and life moved on, but I was still stuck on that night, April 15th, 2015. I was still lost. Lost in my emotions, lost in my plan, and lost in my fears. I was walking and could go fifteen minutes on the elliptical, but I still felt ruptured. I became truly concerned, if I was ever going to be able to move on from this.
Then, God graced me a gift. My All-Star cheerleading team, in November, needed another girl on the team, and I still had age eligibility. I honestly did not know if I could do it, being far behind in Achilles recovery. But I put the faith in myself, and gave this opportunity my all. The fire that I thought was burnt out and would never be lit again, was sparked aflame. This season has been cherished like none other, because I never thought I would get this experience again. I treat every stunt and flip like it’s my last, and I have given all I have left into this season. That happiness, slowly crept back. That passion, slowly fired in my belly. That determination, slowly drove me back to a level five athlete. Although this season symbolizes the ending of being an All-Star cheerleader, it also symbolizes a new beginning. The end of this season means closure, and the rupture repair I have been longing for. The struggle makes me stronger, and introduceed me to new opportunities.
As much as I wish I could stay 18 forever, I am so excited to embark on my new journey, with my same passion, as a competitive cheer coach. My ruptured Achilles helped me grow, helped me cherish, helped me push beyond limits, and led me back to what I love, surrounded by the people I love more. I now still have the whole world in front of me, it’s just from a different perspective. I am still, unstoppable.
