We all have this planned fairy tale in our mind of what we want our lives to look like --beautiful home, beautiful marriage, beautiful kids.
It's every little girls dream to have all of those things in her life sometime. But what happens when we push so hard for those dreams to come true with the wrong person? What happens when we try to find the perfect life, instead of the perfect person to share that life with? I used to think those were the same things, the perfect man would give me the perfect life I planned and dreamed of. We've watched so many fairy tales where the prince gives the princess her dream castle and dream life that we believe that this is what the real world gives to us. I used to think that finding the man who could give me the perfect life was the perfect man for me.
I don't believe that anymore.
I don't think that the man who can give you the perfect life, is always the one whose meant to give us that life. I don't think that the man who has a good job and has a prospective future is the man who can complete you forever. I'm talking money, a good job, stability, all of those things we strive to look for in a person, isn't always the person who makes us the happiest. And that's frustrating, almost infuriating.
It's not only about money in having a great life, its the man with similar values, similar goals, similar backgrounds and aspirations.
You find this man who can give you the world, and wants to give you just that, but he doesn't hold you tight or laugh at your jokes. He doesn't make you want to drive thousands of miles to spend 10 minutes together. What if the person we've built that perfect life with doesn't fulfill us emotionally? What if that person shares all of the same values, but doesn't make your heart skip a beat?
Maybe it's more about finding the man who can fulfill our emotional needs, and can grow and change with us. Maybe it's not about aligning all of our goals and values, but growing together to create similarities. In the end, maybe we find the uncolored coloring sheet, instead of the already colored one. Maybe finding the man with a plan and a path of his life already spelled out, isn't the man who can complete your fairy tale. We have to let go of our own fairy tales and seek out the person who fills us up emotionally first.
I don't believe that we can plan our whole lives with someone anymore. It's the saddest truth I've ever come to realize. Maybe none of us can plan and hope for a future with someone. Don't get me wrong, I believe in love, marriage and beautiful families. I believe in love rooted so deep in two people that they create a beautiful life. I have these influences all around me.
It's disheartening seeing the person who you care about and want in your life wanting and needing someone else. It's difficult to let go after years of being with and receiving affection from someone constantly. Most importantly, it's hard to not cover your wounds by seeking out someone else. Someone who fills the void that's now empty in your heart.
So what's the point?
It's hard. It's hard to push your life dreams into the back of your mind when searching for something new. It's hard to look at the surface and say, what can you do for me emotionally? It's hard to look for another person to fulfill your dreams. It's hard to let someone else in and plan for a future with them.
Maybe that's the point, we can't plan for our future. We can't plan if we'll marry our 10th grade crush, our first college hookup, the 'love of our life'. We can't plan if that person will be our perfect person our whole lives.
We can't plan. We have to seek out the person who fills us up on our worst days with support, not the person who brings us home flowers every day. We have to leave our dreams behind, and seek out the bond with someone that can grow and change into what we need it too.
