Dear Unmedicated Me, You're Going To Ruin Our Life
Start writing a post

Dear unmedicated me,

First of all, you're going to ruin our life. You're going to get us fired from our job, you're going to either get us or someone else killed, and we're going to end up back in St. Mary's. We can only talk our way out of that situation so many times. Bipolar Disorder is very real, and it's scary.

So, I need you to take a seat in the back of my mind and let me be in control. Medicated me should always be in the spotlight, and medicated me will fight you for it. We know that the main thing we both want is for our host to be safe. Ashley needs to be safe.

I don't believe we are a robot, we are functional, rational. We have children to take care of. They look up to us, they need us. How are we supposed to help them when we're so on edge or feeling so low?

Our nephew Rowan needs us in his life. He needs his aunt to be there for him and support him. He needs to know that we care and if there comes a time he ends up needing medication, we need to be a role model. Imagine how heartbroken we would be if something happened to him, or any kids in our life. It would destroy us.

I know how free we feel without the meds, but I also know how strong we feel with them.

The paranoia is easier to handle, our mind is yelling at us all the time so the voices are quiet, we at ease.

I don't want people to be scared of us, and when you're around, they are. My family feels like they need to walk on eggshells for fear of setting us off. Remember growing up? How violent we were? I mean we tried to strangle our sister, it doesn't get more aggressive than that. Well, unless you count all the times we tried to hurt our mom.

When you're in the spotlight, leaving me in the back, all I can think is, is this the time you're going to make our host snap? You know how fragile she is. Hell, you mentioned how you make her think about what would happen if we stepped in front of a car. When you're in charge, I worry that you're going to get us killed.

Being on medication is okay.

I agree with you, we're not crazy. We just need a little help. Medicated us is happy. We're fine with being on meds, we like that it helps us. Ashley likes that it helps. Our family likes that it helps.

I'm going to bring it back to the kids. Think about them. We love them, they are our life. When we're on the meds we are able to do so much more with them. I mean, you've seen how much they adore us. We were just joking how we needed to clone ourselves because the little ones are sad when you go with the big kids and the big kids pout if you go with the little ones.

We are free, we are happy, we are okay. It's time to let me take control. It's time for you to go away. I'm sorry. I know you're the true form and you've run the show all our life, but it's time for a change. It's time to grow up. It's time to move forward.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

Haunted Houses For Halloween In New Jersey

The Top Scariest Haunted Houses In New Jersey

31499

Residing in New Jersey enables you to participate in various activities, and everyone has a favorite. In New Jersey, Halloween is also celebrated in a spooky way. There are many scariest haunted houses in NJ to celebrate Halloween. If you want to confront your greatest fears, Halloween Scariest haunted houses are ideal.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Leaving My Backpack In The Library

Views about society and the stranger sitting right across from me

70340
https://unsplash.com/photos/O0T1SIgHAfM

As a college student, my backpack is an extension of myself in many ways. It contains my notes, pens, and computer vital for my success in college. It contains the snacks and water bottle I need to survive long days on campus. It also contains the "in-case" items that help put my mind at rest if I forgot something from home: extra hair ties, masks, and that backup-backup snack. With so much in my backpack important to me and my life on campus, it is no wonder that I can get apprehensive about it when it is not with me or in my line of sight. And that makes me wonder.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

5 Cool Gadgets To Make Your Car Smart

Don't let this stop you from making your car smart. You can change the one you have using smart gadgets that transform your car into a smart car.

121104

Cars are no longer just a mode of transport, where you only worry about the engine and how beautiful its interior is. These days, everyone wants to make their cars smarter, those with advanced technology systems. It makes sense for several reasons. It can make your vehicle more efficient and safer when you need to drive.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The Inevitable Truth of Loss

You're going to be okay.

136097

As we humans face loss and grief on a daily basis, it's challenging to see the good in all the change. Here's a better perspective on how we can deal with this inevitable feeling and why it could help us grow.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

'Venom: Let There Be Carnage' Film Review

Tom Hardy and Woody Harrelson lead a tigher, more fun sequel to 2018's 'Venom'

107619
Photo Credit: Sony Pictures Entertainment – YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FmWuCgJmxo

When Sony announced that Venom would be getting a stand-alone movie, outside of the Tom Holland MCU Spider-Man films, and intended to start its own separate shared universe of films, the reactions were generally not that kind. Even if Tom Hardy was going to take on the role, why would you take Venom, so intrinsically connected to Spider-Man's comic book roots, and remove all of that for cheap action spectacle?

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments