I still remember the moment when you hung up the phone and said you would call back tomorrow because you were putting dinner on the table. You said you were distracted and wanted to be able to give me your full undivided attention even though I had just called to wish you “Happy Mother’s Day.” You never did call back. I never did hear your voice again.
It’s been a year and a half, and it doesn’t get any easier, at least not for me. I can still remember your voice, your smell, your touch and sometimes I wake up and find it difficult to swallow the fact that you’re really gone. This is Nanu’s (Grandfather) first trip to the U.S. alone, and even that is hard for me to comprehend. Sometimes I just think you’ll walk into the room and everything will be OK. I would do anything to be able to get that to happen. If only there was a way that I could…
I hope I don’t upset you when I get very low thinking about how much I miss you. I know only you know that sometimes I cry at night when I’m alone because I miss you. I know that only you know that there are plenty of mornings where I wake up irritable because I’ve spent the whole night crying and wishing things were different. Sometimes I get mad that you didn’t wait at least for another month: I was crossing the seven seas to come and see you after three long years. This will forever remain the biggest regret of my life. That I put studying for SATs over sparing even just a week to come and see you. What would those two weeks have done? Did they really help my score out that much? I guess that’s a question that will always remain unanswered and always remind me of my biggest regret.
So today, I will take a minute to thank you, Nani (I know you’re listening even though you’re in heaven). Thank you for the countless sacrifices you made as a mother and as a grandmother. Thank you for being so interested in all the middle school andhigh school gossip. Thank you for taking me shopping to buy churis and lehengas. Thank you for having grandma-granddaughter days where you and I would just go out, roaming the streets of Delhi and riding in auto rickshaws. Thank you always feeding us everything with your own two hands. Thank you for showering me with unconditional love. Thank you for always encouraging me to do my best, and thank you for always being by my side, whether it was in person or it is in spirit.
Regardless of whatever may happen in my lifetime, I promise you that I will fight each obstacle that comes my way without ever giving up. I will live life for myself and for no one else. I shall not be dependent on anyone. And I will live every day as if there’s no tomorrow. I will live life just the way you had hoped. I wish that one day I can be half the person you were. People like you aren’t written down in history books; you aren’t considered a national hero. But in the eyes of your grandchildren, you are and always will be.
Love you, miss you. Xoxo.
