Last week women worldwide took over social media by posting the hashtag #MeToo. The hashtag helped women share their stories of sexual assault. The hashtag came into light when actress Alyssa Milano tweeted at victims to share their experiences: "so we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem." Many women chose to share their traumas to debunk the normalization of sexual assault and to advocate change in our male-dominated society. According to RAINN, every 98 seconds, an American is raped, and of those raped, 9 out of 10 are women. The constant fear of sexual assault lingers in the back of every woman’s mind. The luxury of feeling safe in our own skin has been taken away, and it’s time to fight for it back.
The global online movement didn't start with Milano, it started more than 10 years ago with women’s rights activist, Tarana Burke. Burke is the founder of Just Be Inc., a nonprofit organization that’s goal is to help victims of sexual harassment and assault. She explained that her movement started when she had a conversation with a 13-year-old girl who had been sexually assaulted.
“I didn’t have a response or a way to help her in that moment, and I couldn’t even say ‘me too.”
After founding Just Be Inc. Burke declared her movements name: Me Too. Since last week Milano, who revived this movement, has led it to be a global consciousness.
“One tweet has brought together 1.7 million voices from 85 countries. Standing side by side, together, our movement will only grow. #MeToo"
According to RAINN, 1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. On average, there are 321,500 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States. As of 1998, an estimated 17.7 million American women had been victims of attempted or completed sexual assault. Young women are especially at risk. According to RAINN, 82% of all juvenile victims are female. Females ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault. And last but not least, women ages 18-24 who are college students are 3 times more likely than women in general to experience sexual violence.
Despite holding powerful positions, women in our Nation have are still being affected by sexual assault. Four U.S Senators: Elizabeth Warren, Claire McCaskill, Mazie Hirono, and Heidi Heitkamp shared their all too real experiences with sexual harassment and assault on NBC’s Meet the Press. Warren, as an excited young law professor, described an incident with a senior faculty member called her into his office, then proceeded to lunge and chase her around his office. Despite her pleas explaining she had young children, the faculty member didn’t let up. After a courageous leap of faith, Warren was able to bolt for the door and away from her perpetrator. McCaskill then went on the describe the anxiety of getting her first bill passed. Seeking guidance she asked the Missouri Speaker of the House for any advice. He responded is the most despicable way:
“Did you bring your knee pads?”
Following McCaskill, Heitkamp explained that when she started out as North Dakota's Attorney General, one of the most important things to her was changing the dynamic of domestic violence. During an event Heitkamp hosted, a law enforcement officer came up to her:
“Listen here, men will always beat their wives, and you can’t stop them.”
Warren later explained that she questioned what she had done to bring on the sexual harassment from the senior faculty member. According to a study done by Sarah E. Ullman, Liana C. Peter-Hagene, and Mark Relyea titled, “Coping, Emotion Regulation, and Self-Blame as Mediators of Sexual Abuse and Psychological Symptoms in Adult Sexual Assault” the feelings of shame and guilt are common among sexual assault victims.
After seeing their newsfeed covered in #MeToo stories, CNN reported that some men felt helpless and wanted to know how they can make a change. Nicole Stamp took the initiative and wrote an essay, which now has over 70,000 shares, addressed to men on Facebook detailing how they can help.
Here are some of her main points:
Practice this phrase: "That's not cool.”
Stamp explained that by simply saying “That’s not cool” to other men saying disrespectful things to or about women can help denormalize the degrading language used towards women.
Amplify women's voices at work.
“If a woman's contributions are being dismissed, interrupted or claimed by others, speak up.” Men need to be actively looking out for their female coworkers and supporting their ideas when they are being ignored.
Don't call her sweetie.
“With colleagues and strangers, avoid diminutive nicknames like hon, baby, darling, girl, young lady or kiddo. It's condescending to use pet-names at work. Using preferred names shows respect.”
During sex, seek enthusiastic consent.
“If your partner hesitates, stops reciprocating, avoids eye contact, becomes quiet, tense or frozen, or otherwise slows the tempo of any sexual encounter, then you should STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING. Revise your idea of consent. The old model is, essentially, ‘go for it, until someone yells stop’. But having a history of trauma, (like, say, a #MeToo story) can actually cause people freeze up in response to stress. This makes it difficult for them to say "no," even when they want to stop. So keep in mind that no means no ... and frozen silence also means no.”
Don't use gendered or misogynist insults.
“Words like bitch, cunt, or slut only target women. Sissy, fairy and cuck demean feminine traits as lesser, weak, and undesirable in men. Avoid those words. If you must insult someone, focus on their actions, not their body or their gender.”
Free kids from rigid gender roles.
“For boys and young men, you can role-model that activities and traits traditionally coded as "feminine" are valuable. Challenge dismissive ideas around what counts as "girl stuff." Delight in stories with strong female characters. Give a toddler boy a baby doll and praise his gentleness. Race trucks with a little girl. Give kids the tools and confidence to challenge and defy gender stereotypes.”
Teach your elders to do better.
“An "old-fashioned" sexist or racist comment might seem harmless from a beloved elder relative at a family gathering. But as people enter the health care system, they are largely cared for by women and POC, who don't deserve dehumanizing treatment. Please call out sexism, racism and homophobia -- at all ages.”
Don't be dismissive or argumentative.
“During conversations around types of oppression that you don't personally experience, keep an eye open for our culture's gross habit of putting the onus on oppressed persons to dredge up their pain for our inspection -- only for us to then minimize their experience as over-sensitivity or just a misinterpretation.”
Accept discomfort.
“Changing broken systems takes work, and it won't always feel good. Conversations about sexism, racism, transphobia, privilege, cultural appropriation and other social issues are all related (look up "intersectionality" to learn more), and these are complex issues that stir up our emotions. But discomfort is an important sign that we may have something new to learn.”
Like Stamp says, fixing a broken system takes time and effort. There is a movement happening right now to fight for the social, political, and economic equality of women. This includes ending sexual violence against women. As an American, it is your job to be part of the good side of history. Make the decision to make a change.
If you are a loved one have experienced sexual assault, call the toll free hotline: 800.656.HOPE (4673) to get in contact with a trained professional.
