I find that as I’m getting older and understanding life a little better I am also having difficulty transitioning to a better me. I often find myself fighting with myself. Part of me wants to do one thing while the other part wants to do another. Decision making is sometimes like playing tug of war with my heart and my mind. I haven’t been in a predicament like that in a while because I tend to just go with my gut feeling now, but when it does happen its like an internal storm. I completely shut down, my energy is off, and I literally won’t talk to anyone until I feel like myself again. I'm blessed to say that it doesn’t happen as often as it use to, but when it does it reminds me of how much work I have left to put in.

Knowing who you are and your worth is so very important, especially in this day and age. Everyone is so wrapped up in their follow counts and how many likes or views they get instead of taking the time to dig deep and find some purpose. Why are you here? Whats your purpose? Are you going to leave a valuable impression on the world or is your relevance just temporary? Do you know your worth or do you judge that based on Instagram likes? Do you really love yourself? Do you even really know who you are?

Most people probably wouldn’t be able to thoroughly answer those questions and its okay if you cant. But at some point, you must. You have to spend some time in solitude. Learn how to be lonely and love it. Find comfort in the presence of you. Do your best to open and expand your mind to things you normally wouldn’t. Learn yourself.

I spent a few solid years to myself. I cried, I fought, I smiled. I was confused, I was lost, and then I was enlightened. I read and I wrote. Then read some more and wrote a little more. I took notes and meditated. I was determined to get to the root of my being. It was during this time that I figured out what I wanted to do with my life and what I wanted out of it. I learned about people and what I do and don’t like about them. I learned about energies and chakras and how important they are. Most importantly however, I learned to love myself. I had finally discovered my worth. It was in the deepest place of my darkness I heard a voice tell me “you have purpose. Go fulfill it.” Nothing else mattered. Previous rejections, heartbreak, etc. none of it mattered following that day.

You have to trust in you and your journey. Know that your path is yours and you walk it alone. Find comfort in your passage. Reach for optimism in world full of pessimists. Outside opinions and thoughts will only taint your vision. Everything will become more blurry than it was before as you try to decipher your own thoughts from someone else’s. Lead with the mind, trust with the heart. IT'S YOUR LIFE.

If there is anything that I’ve learned in life its that there are only a few things that we truly have control over. How we react, how we perceive, and what we exert our energy into. As I age Im learning that perception is everything. Never look at anything from one angle especially when there are multiple sides. One cannot make a fair judgement by looking in one direction. Consider all the odds.

When bad things happen, I tend to be blinded by the darkness of the unfortunate circumstances instead of taking a step back and truly evaluating whats happening. This has probably been my biggest challenge in life. A wise man once told me “Just because bad things happen it doesn’t mean that the overall purpose is bad.” For example, you may not get that job you thought you wanted really bad, but two weeks later you get an opportunity so huge that the job you were just crying over isn’t even a factor anymore. We must try to focus on the bigger picture. Live for right now, but never forget that there is always a bigger picture.

All of life’s hardships, struggles, ups and downs, all come together to form one puzzle that is your life story. Cherish every piece because without one, you are incomplete.

Something tells me that I will be battling myself until the end of time. But as long as I can maintain some peace of mind, I think I can live with that. Forever a free spirit.