If you've never found yourself gritting your teeth and fighting back the urge to prove your point in an online forum, against some uneducated, entitled jerk with a sense of grandeur that would put Emily Gilmore to shame, then I envy you. I admire you. You have either grown past the inevitable stage of having to show the other party how wrong they are... or you simply don't care.

The former, if you fancy yourself an activist, or an ally to a cause, is a slow process of learning and unlearning which leads to the fulfillment of knowing that it is not always your job to educate – that sometimes the healthiest choice is to simply disengage. This is, in its own right, a form of self-care. It's also a weighty topic for another time.

The latter, however, while dipping its toes into the self-care category, is more often than not a projection of other ideologies: a disillusioned sense of comparative intelligence, a general ignorance of privilege, and, most often, the misconception that to appear to not care is cool. Laid-back. Unemotional and chill to the point that we feel as if we have achieved something that those who are still fighting for the world just haven't quite gotten yet.

I'm here to tell you that it isn't that simple. And to show why many of the methods of showing this indifferent attitude are actually harmful to people you may love.

"Triggered" Jokes

This is one of the most fundamentally misunderstood concepts floating around the internet. And for that reason, it became the ideal target for the internet to unleash backlash on with every meme it could get its hands on. If you have an online connection, you've more than likely encountered a "Triggered" meme at least once, whether you understood it or not.

I want to start but saying unequivocally that trauma, and survivors of trauma of any kind, are not a joke. But I also want to acknowledge the environment that allows that kind of perspective to thrive. It makes sense to poke fun at something we don't understand. It's a common reaction to find something ridiculous and immediately turn it into fodder for our own entertainment. And, if you have never experienced serious trauma due to violence, mental or physical illness, or any form of abuse, then I truly hope that you never have to encounter what it feels like. But it also makes you ignorant to the goings-on inside the minds of survivors.

Triggers can be many things. They can be the simple mention of sexual assault, eating disorders, death, etc. They are present in many types of individuals as well as many different mental disorders. The exposure to these concepts can cause a wide range of thoughts, actions, and reactions depending on the severity of the trigger and the complexity of the trauma.

A person with OCD may be exposed to a trigger and become stuck in a loop of compulsive rituals to alleviate the anxiety that comes with that exposure. A survivor of violence may begin to relive their experience viscerally. There are many forms, and they can include brief mentions of the experiences they had, or simply factors involved in the trauma itself.

Many simply have not experienced the difficulty that comes with these circumstances, and therefore don't understand the need for safety in words. Saying that "Everyone goes through things," isn't an acceptable answer to this problem and trivializes the different ways in which we process and cope with fear and danger.

The General Entitlement that comes with Privilege

There are many reasons why we act "too cool to care."

Appearing involved opens up invitations for conversations – for confrontation.

Sometimes it is simply easier to cope with tragedy through humor and apathy than it is to admit grief or fear.

Many do not have the perspective to fully understand the weight of certain situations. (i.e., "It doesn't affect me, therefore I don’t see it as a problem".)

And, of course, the entitled ideology that to be "above it all" is to be more intelligent and enlightened than those who become emotionally invested.

All of these make it easier to prioritize privilege – to distance oneself from the conversation by ignoring the reality of the experiences of marginalized people. To simply say that the argument itself is not valid, and is ultimately unimportant simply because, to you, it isn't. It's an internet threat. A Facebook post. A ploy for attention or an excuse to be treated differently.

So, by default, it does end up being treated differently. You joke about tragedy and place humor over empathy. You shame those you converse with by saying that getting riled up about it doesn't matter, when to them it is a very true fear. You pivot conversations to the point of callousness simply to appear aloof – apathetic – cool.

And it may seem that way for now. But there is nothing less appealing in this world than a human being with no motivation to make living an easier experience for others. It is in choosing not to care that we find the furthest depths of ignorance to what is truly happening in our communities.

And it is very, very uncool.