I've been waiting for this week since, like, last year— when I was unwillingly pried from my beach towel, nestled atop the white, sandy beach of God’s holy land: PCB. It's a new year, but the same me: desperate to pack as much fun and shenanigans into a week as I physically can.
Typically seen as a week filled with debauchery and bad decisions, I celebrate spring break much differently than most. As a hard-working, perpetually stressed out college kid, I welcome spring break like an old friend. To me, it is not a week to merely gallivant around in a swimsuit, raging with strange guys from other universities. Rather, it is a week designed for me to go as hard as I can, experiencing the bliss of not having any obligations or knowing more than a handful of people.
Rumor has it that this glorious holiday does not exist for other humans who inhabit the real world, so one must embrace the few opportunities that one is handed, in order to truly experience the God-given right that is #sprangbreak.
As such, I have compiled a spring break bucket list for those of you wanting to enjoy yourself in unconventional ways. Let’s get weird (but not creepy weird, just mildly-unaware-of-socially-acceptable-behavior weird).
1. Strike up a conversation with a child, accompanied by his or her family, on vacay.
You've all experienced it: the awkward situation where, as you approach the beach, you discover that some family thought it was a good idea to vacation at PCB with their small children. Embrace the anonymity and strike up a convo with said child. Maybe it will tell you a joke or do something funny.
2. Play an obscure lawn game on the beach.
Croquet, anyone?
3. Convince a fellow spring-breaker that you recognize him or her from somewhere until he or she pretends to remember you.
“Aha! That’s where I know you from. You’ve been running through my mind all day.” –spring breaker
4. Maintain a Snapchat story of no more than 50 seconds at any given time.
“Ooh, is that a beach? I’ve never seen one of those before. Just kidding. Chill tf out. Everyone hates you, Sally.” –your Snapchat contacts
5. Take a nap in a kayak.
Imagine how confusing it would be to onlookers: a bright yellow kayak floating by itself as you hide away inside, letting the waves rock you to sleep.
6. Build a sand suburb.
In this economic climate, a castle is much too frivolous.
7. Build a wall of sand around said sand suburb. You know, in Donald Trump’s honor.
Bonus points if you can find a Trump supporter and convince him or her to help you build the wall.
8. Make a reference to a movie that isn’t "Mean Girls."
It will change your life for the better. Some options include such cinematic masterpieces, as "Pulp Fiction," "Old School," "Billy Madison," "Joe Dirt, "Zoolander," or literally anything else.
9. Come up with an original caption for your Insta-worthy beach pic.
If you found the caption on a Pinterest graphic, you’re no better than the kid who recycles his friend’s jokes and claims them as his own.
Don’t be that kid.
10. Wake up really early and write an inappropriate word or phrase in the sand.
If being immature is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.
11. Write a random sequence of Greek letters in the sand and then pose for pictures whilst throwing a newly-invented hand sign for your pretend fraternity/sorority.
*hilarity ensues as passerby gaze on in confusion*
12. Pretend that a hermit crab pinched you and ask a stranger to pee on the affected area(s) “to relieve the burn.”
Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
13. Pretend to be stung by a jellyfish and demand that the nearest stranger pee on you.
A more-believable alternative to number 12. 10/10, would recommend.
14. Blast your beach playlist with occasional (or frequent) whale songs for everyone to hear.
Bonus points if the song provides an opportunity to dab or whip.
15. Begin a conversation with: “Have you heard the good news about our Lord and Savior, Bernie Sanders?”
If the Mormons can do it, then so can you!
16. Proudly wear your favorite Ed Hardy trucker hat.
LOL, just kidding. Burn that ish.
While this list is by no means exhaustive, I hope it will encourage you to leave your perpetually-average, comfort-zoned mindset, if only for the duration of spring break.
So, let us go forth and get weird. Spring break is upon us!
