I'll be the first to admit that I talk to myself... a lot. My mom has expressed her concern multiple times because I talk to myself a little too often sometimes. What can I say? I'm just a verbal processor. We all do it, though. We all hear a voice in our head that verbalizes what we're thinking. Sometimes we slip up and actually say the things in our head out loud that wasn't meant to be put out there in the real world. But nonetheless, we all have an inner voice.

Something I've started learning is that the way we talk to ourselves with our inner voice is important. I never thought much about it until I recently shared with a friend how I had a really hard week and in my head I was telling myself I know all the problems I had to work through, and she said that the way I was talking to myself was not gentle or nice at all. Then I realized I actually yell at myself a lot.

A lot of the pain and stress I feel is self-inflicted. I know this. I'm constantly scolding myself or telling myself I could have done better. That the baggage I have should have been unpacked and I should have healed by now. I compare myself to others when I feel inadequate, which only makes me feel more inadequate. Nobody is forcing me to think these negative things of myself, I do it all on my own. This led me down a train of thought that I'm aggressively yelling all of these things to myself everyday and when people compliment me I can't find it in me to accept it because I don't even believe in myself that much. This has been hard for me to accept about myself, and I still am processing what that means in my life and who I am.

I've had multiple people tell me to be gentle on myself- not to beat myself up for what I can't control or couldn't have done any better on. That's hard when your inner voice is telling you everything wrong with every action you make everyday.

This is only part of where I am right now in life and self-discovery. It's opened very painful memories and realities. The journey has been exhausting and it's nowhere near over. I'm not writing this to seek praise or attention, but if you never thought about your inner voice like I hadn't, consider how you talk to yourself. Is it nice? Is it mean? Is it rude? If you're like me, criticizing yourself more than the most judgmental person out there, be gentler on yourself. Being honest, I'm preaching without much practice. But the times that I've consciously been gentler when I catch myself beating myself up has helped shine so much more light in my life than I had before. The weight on my shoulders is a little lighter, the shackles and chains I tightly wrapped around myself are a little looser. Life has been more enjoyable.

The reality is that there are people in the world who won't like you just the same as you don't like some people because they just 'urk' you or don't rub you the right way. You have no control of that. I have no control of that. But we do have control of the hate we put on ourselves. It's a process, and a really hard process at that, but the creator of the universe's love for us is infinite, incomprehensible, and simply beautiful. Friends, remember and find hope when you are not feeling yourself that God loves you no matter what!