There's that age old saying that goes: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Which seems simple enough and like something we can all do. The gist of that sage advice being that even on the bad days, you have to make the most of it.
That's where it gets a little more complicated though, because what if the lemons are rotten? Or what if they're oranges not lemons? What if getting out of bed to make the lemonade isn't something you can do? I envy the simplicity of that sentiment because it should be as simple as making the most of what you've got. However, life isn't easy and it's hardly ever fair.
As a young adult who's struggled with depression for more years than I can count, I've always had a hard time making the most of what I've got. Because what I've got is an imbalance of chemicals in my brain and a constant, nagging voice telling me that there isn't a purpose to anything in this life. It's hard to talk yourself into doing anything when you live with that on a daily basis. And it's not without lack of trying to get better; I've seen the my therapist for over 10 years, I was on anti-depressants for a while, I've even contemplated rehab facilities because I live in fear of my depression winning. But, like many disorders, it's something I will have to live with for the remainder of my life.
And that is okay. Sure, it's not ideal and it's scary to tell people that your mental health is not great, but it's given me a different outlook on life. It's taught me that asking for help is a good thing. It's taught me that living with demons can make for a really colorful imagination. Most importantly though, it's taught me that I'm not a broken human, I just have some broken parts. But we're all a little broken, that's how the light gets in.
In all honesty, I wouldn't want to be any other way because my depression is apart of who I am and it's helped shape me into the young woman I am today. It's given me the tools to help others who are going through the same thing I go through. It's allowed me to write truthfully and honestly, from a very real and dark place. I'm not naive to the meaning of life because I've gone to the edge of death and made it back alive. There's something incredibly beautiful in that. Does that mean I want everyone to experience depression? No, of course not. But I'm a survivor and I'm still surviving and I always will.
I've never tried to hide who I am, but I've also never been this open about my struggles. While the world we live in is much better at accepting and acknowledging mental health problems, it's still not something we stand on the rooftops and shout about. However, this is who I am. This is a part of me. And if sharing my story can help someone who's feeling lost or confused, then it's completely worth it to be vulnerable. To say to the world: This is me, this is who I am.
So, this is me and this is who I am. Broken and bent, but full of light; unapologetically human.
