Garth Brooks said it right when he said, "God's greatest gift is unanswered prayers." I have found myself over the past ten years constantly praying to have things like a flatter stomach, a kind boyfriend, and to even help me succeed in a major in college. I have also found myself realizing that those things didn't turn out the way I wanted them to and I couldn't have been more thankful. Today and everyday I am thankful for unanswered prayers.
In middle school I prayed to God that he would give me the courage to go over and talk to the more popular girls in school. He in fact did just that. Those girls became my friends, well, some of them. I didn't exactly fit in, but I prayed to God that he would make me just like them so I could be one of them. Later on some of those girls got really involved in drugs and alcohol and even dropped out of school. I am thankful God led me in a different path than those girls and didn't make me exactly like them. He kept the girls in my life that were beneficial to me, and the ones that made me a better me. Those girls ended up becoming some of my very best friends to this day, 10 years later.
In seventh grade I asked God to make me skinny like this one girl in my group. She often compared herself to me and never forgot to tell me how much skinnier she was than me. I wasn't even fat. I was average, but at the time I felt like a giant whale standing next to that girl. In result of the constant pressure to be as skinny as her, I started throwing up my food. After every meal I would casually make my way to the bathroom. I threw up my insecurities and flushed them down the toilet. My eating disorder did not last a long time, only about 6 months. I was naked in front of my mirror when I realized how frail I was. Vomiting wasn't making me beautiful, it was making me sick and weak. God didn't answer my prayers about making me skinny. I had to learn to love myself the hard way. I stopped puking after every meal, and began to embrace every curve and every roll. I realized that God made me in his image and I shouldn't try to alter that.
When I was a freshman in college I wanted to be a registered nurse. It had been a life long dream to help people. I took an anatomy class that was honestly too much to handle. I prayed for knowledge in this field, it was all I ever wanted to be. My grades were dropping and my GPA was falling so fast I couldn't catch it. I dropped that major. All I wanted to do in life was help people. So today I am proudly a Human Service and Counseling major and in four years I'll be a licensed therapist. My GPA is great and my grades are excellent. I've learned compassion and empathy. I thought that if I couldn't heal peoples bodies, maybe I could heal their minds instead. Today I am thankful God did not answer my prayer. I am content and excited for my future as a licensed therapist.
In high school I fell in love with a not so kind boy. He cussed me, made me feel less than, and with every swing he took at me I felt my self worth deplete. He told me no one else would ever have me. He broke my heart every single day, but I was young and dumb and thought he would be the one I married. One night that boy decided to break up with me. I prayed and I cried and I begged God to put this boy back in my life. I knew he was bad for me, but at 18 it's hard to let "the love of your life" go. Weeks passed and God did not answer my prayers about bringing that boy back to me. Months flew by and seasons changed.. still no sign of that boy. It wasn't until my sophomore year of college that I realized how truly bad that person was for me. I never went back to that boy and I accepted that he was gone. God rewarded me. He led me to someone much better. Someone kind and soft and who's arms feel like home. This boy loves every part of me and for that, I am thankful.
Over the years I locked God out of my life. I was lost and didn't care. Whether I was crying from a broken heart or upset because the girl at school didn't like me, it all just made me angry at God. I didn't know what was going on or what he had in store for me, so I gave up on him. Recently I have found my way back to him. He accepted me with open arms and cleared my mind and made room for growth and love. Ultimately I learned that God has a plan for me, I may not understand it at the time, but he knows what he's doing and I need to trust that. When it's all said and done I doubt we will look back and remember all the horrible things that happened. Instead we will look back and rejoice on the strength that God gave us and the many unanswered prayers that turned into beautiful adventures.
