I’ve spent countless hours being around children throughout my nineteen years of life. Through both professional and casual interactions with children I’ve learned that they can only be expected to do/say the unexpected. They possess absolutely zero filter and blurt out whatever happens to pop into their physically little, but incredibly imaginative, minds. Because of this, kids are unintentionally the funniest people ever.
Here are just a few things kids have said to me that I either knew I was going to hear, caught me dramatically off guard, or in some cases, made my heart smile:
*Freaking out while waiting to go on rollercoaster* Kid: "You’ll be okay. If I can do it you can!"
Kids have great intentions, but they sure know how to make you feel pathetic.
*Points at pimple* Kid: "Who did that to you?"
Kids have absolutely no idea what pimples are. Many times they’ll call them “boo-boos”, hence the innocent, head cocked to the side question, “Who did that to you?". What am I supposed to say? God? Puberty? The world may never know.
*Points at pimple* Kid: "Is that a spider bite?"
One time a kid asked me this. I was secretly grateful and answered yes. Spider bite! Genius explanation.
*Has to explain to a child that I too have a mommy* Kid: "Are you a kid?"
Well, I kind of am, just a little more self-sufficient.
Me: "What would you do if you saw a lion?" Kid: "Pull its tail and run around it."
Kids are brave. These are the future leaders of our country.
*Drives by the local high school*. Kid: "That’s the cowege" (college).
Stay in school kids.
"What’s in your purse?"
*Cringes, panics, hopes kid will not insist on looking in purse. Really hoping they don’t get into the makeup bag.* If the kid does your makeup, there are methods of coping. Try your best to channel your inner Lady Gaga and play the “I’m a good person playing with children” card.
"I like your hair," immediately followed by your hair being styled
Having your hair styled is better than having your makeup done because there are no expensive products to ruin and it’s easier to fix. Exceptions – when you have any other hairstyle besides straight down.
*5 year old sings Lukas Graham’s “7 Years”* Kid: "Once I was seven years old."
This one makes me smile. Don’t age yourself kid!
"I went to McDonald’s yesterday and drank soda."
This was desperately shouted out in a plea for attention as all of the other children were telling me about what they did over the weekend, which included a trip to Puerto Rico and going to the aquarium. Obviously, going to McDonald’s to drink soda trumps both of those.
*Points to a random older person you’re standing in close proximity to* Kid: "Is that your mom/dad?"
This happens every single time I’m standing near someone older, even if we bear absolutely no resemblance.
"Do you have a boy/girlfriend?"
….why though?
"Do you have games on your phone?"
“Um, my phone’s dead."
"Can you come over my house?"
I think your mom and dad would be really concerned if I did that.
*Pharrel’s “Happy” plays on the radio*. Kid: “You wanna know who sings this? Michael Jackson.”
Close, but not quite.
“You’re my best friend. I love you."
After five minutes of knowing each other.
Kids truly say the darnedest things, and that's why I love them.
