Two Years Later

Two years ago I wondered if in two years the hurting would still be there. Everyone says healing takes time, but I didn't want it to take time; I wanted the hurting to be over. I always imaged what life would be like a year or two from then. I wondered if everything would be fine. I wondered if he'd be fine without me; although he was fine without me right away. Two years later I still write about you, even though you would never know. I am not sad I still write about you, I'm grateful to have something so strong to write about.

Two years ago I imaged us back together by now. We just needed sometime apart and we would find our way back to each other; which we did. We found our way back to each other to realize we were even more toxic than before. Two years later I would not have imaged us finding our way back to one another would have been a waste of time. Don't get me wrong, because of this now I know what I want from the future.

It is two years later and this is the longest we've gone without speaking since we met. Two years later and you still cross my mind from time to time again. I wonder how you are and if you've changed at all. I've heard things and think theories of my own. Two years later and we don't follow each other on social media, canceling each other out of one another's life. I hope you treat your new girlfriend well. I hope your family and dog are well.

Two years later and I've finally accepted my first love will be my greatest of all loves, but the type of love I should not be in again. I am so grateful to have experienced a love that was filled with passion, but ended tragically. I know what it is like to love with all of your heart, but it not be enough.

Two years later and the thought of ever seeing you again terrifies me. I don't know if I would say hi, run away, or completely fall apart. Two years later part of my still hates you, but knows I need to let the hatred go. Growing up means learning to forgive and forget. This was the hardest thing to ever forgive, while still learning to forget.

Two years later and I can still feel the pain from the first time we said goodbye. I told myself I would never let myself feel that pain again. Two years later and I realize that pain is what made me into who I am today. It shaped me and forced me to be fine on my own, thank you for that. I wonder if you think I hate you, you probably do. Two years later and I've realize hating a past lover is a waste of energy.

Two years later and I am happy. I am happy for the experience we shared through the ups and downs. I am happy on my own, more than I ever thought I would be. Love is a beautiful thing and I've learned to not shut it out just because you've been hurt. Two years later and I'm doing better than I ever thought I would be, even if life can get you down sometimes.

Two years later and I can finally say I let you go.