Two years ago my mom went to Heaven. Two years ago was the last time I was able to hear my mom tell me she loved me as I kissed her goodnight. Two years ago I feel asleep on the couch with my Dad watching Friends because neither of us wanted to leave the other's side. It has been two years.
As the anniversary came around the corner, I reminisced about the amazing, Godly, and loving mother I was blessed to have on earth for 17 years. I stared thinking about what I would say in this article. Would I use words such as lost, took, or gone? No, as I was thinking about my Mom's life and death, none of those words came to mind (or if they did, I realized I could not use them). My mother is not lost from me, I know exactly where she is. God did not take her away from me, He brought her home to Him. Nor is she gone, she is simply waiting for my father and I. Her life and the things she taught me are ingrained in me, that will never be gone. Instead my mind was filled with words such as gained, blessed, and learned; for I have gained new family, was and have been blessed to have had such an awesome mother to raise me, and I have learned so much about myself, love, and God through all of this.
Do I wish my Mom was still here; here for me to call when I needed to talk to her, here to come home from school and hug, here to give me lectures and tell me when I shouldn't be doing something, here to give me pep talks and encourage me, here to tell me how much she loves me everyday? Of course I do! But the way I see things, is that God ultimately is in control and has a plan. Do I miss my mother every single day? Of course I do. But I would not be the person I am today, studying for the job I will have one day if things had played out differently. I would not have an incredible new family, nor would I have this testimony, which may be the most important part about all of this. So the hard question, do I wish that my mom hadn't died two years ago? I don't think there is a child on earth who could honestly say that they did not want their parent alive, but do I see some of the reasons God did what he did? Do I still trust that God knew what he was doing? Yes and Yes.
Two years, I has taken me two years to open up and start really sharing what God has done in my life since my Mom went to heaven, and that is fine. So if anyone reading this has lost a loved one, there are a few things I would like to share with you.
1. It is OK, better yet, you should go out and live your life to the fullest. Take every chance you get to go on an adventure. Be spontaneous. Laugh till your sides hurt. Do not feel guilty, take every second God gives you to be joyful and be grateful for this world. It is good to heal and be happy.
2. The memories will come back.The words will always be there. You do not have to worry that you will forget them. They will always be there, be here, with us through pictures, memories, and through us. I am my mother's legacy, and that effects how I live, love, and act. She may be in Heaven, but I still hear her telling me how precious I am everyday.
3. God is in control. God's ways are higher than our own. He does everything for our good. No matter what you feel, think, or see, God is always bigger. God is always on His throne. I saw my mom go through sickness, but she never stopped praising God. Looking back I can start to see, maybe, some of the reasons He had for having my family walk through this journey. I may never get a full report of why we had to go through some awful times, but that is OK. God does not have to explain everything to me. I will trust Him because He is my Savior, my Strength, and my Lord. My mom never blamed or gave up on God, so I won't either. Please don't give up on God, I promise He hasn't given up on you and your family.
