@Hadzilla: Walk into the club like what up I have an anxiety disorder you know what I’m going home
@dragnut: Considering getting into falconry just to have something to do during uncomfortable silences.
@derekbarchanger: I don’t get it that Clarksville Arkansas is in a dry county, but has a waffle house
@zakypoof: People kept talking about ‘Spring Break Abs’..Well I guess I never received mine over spring breaks what gives
@trevso_electric: There was a powerful earthquake in LA today but I thought it was just 3 million people using their juice blenders at the same time.
@Carley_Ellis: I feel bad for all the A’s in my Snapchat list. Spring break Carl goes for convenience.
@matthew_ryan_8: How long have you been sitting on that joke? RT @pistolsguy: 22-4 run by #okstate, Tech couldn’t score at an Oscars after party.
@codytripp: Free market healthcare works because poor people only get cheap diseases and rich people only get expensive diseases. Everyone knows this.
@kenzielabadie: I have to resist the urge to call people by their twitter usernames on a daily basis.
@skullmandible: In college a guy started an “anti-fraternity.” in a movie it would have been a big hit but in real life the girl he liked joined a sorority
@LostCatDog: All I wanna do is *gunshot *gunshot *Godzilla screech *Star Trek door noise *Windows 95 startup chime* take your money
@BrittonKollman: I’m curious what the nutritional value of fake fingernails is…the girl sitting in front of me is devouring her daily servings
@BigTness: I’ll start lifting weights when I’m not strong enough to shove my retainer into my mouth. Until then nah
@GraysonGillette: What I’ve learned watching march madness. Its very hard to look good playing a wind instrument.
@caseycarlton: just realized I went to waffle house more than the beach on spring break
@HellenKeller: Duke shoulda put me out there lmao