Experiencing a traumatic event, in any degree, or witnessing others being hurt can be emotionally devastating. For some people, who do not have proper emotional support at the time of the trauma, the event can get “stuck" in their nervous systems leading to long-lasting distress, relationship problems, or addictive tendencies.
However, there can be another side to stressful life experiences. Research shows that many people report psychological growth and positive psychological changes resulting from highly stressful events.
This growth does not “undo” the negative effects, but may co-exist with them, or may be the result of therapeutic or spiritual work. Below are some ways in which experiencing painful events can help you grow as a person.
So, how do you channel this growth into your everyday life? These are some of the best tactics I have used to help myself.
1. Relating to others
Difficult experiences can deepen our bonds with family and friends, and they give us the opportunity to see how deeply people care for us. Whatever it is that you are trying to communicate, pay attention to where the message is coming from.
It is our truth we are communicating to others.
The difference between imposing our truth and communicating it is our intent. The biggest lessons we need to learn usually comes from the people we have the most difficulty relating to.
2. Personal strength
Facing our traumas can teach us how strong we are and what we can bear. We are often surprised by our ability to tolerate difficult memories and emotions when we feel motivated by a personally important goal.
Each of us is unique in our own way and this means having different weaknesses and personal strengths. If we're to improve our personal strength, we must be willing to face our weaknesses.
Simply put, there is no other way for improving our personal strengths.
3. Spiritual change
Traumas can lead to a deepening of faith when people realize the limits of personal control. They turn to a spiritual force or God to help them. Praying or meditating can help us find a new perspective on life; to be more accepting of the present moment, and hopeful for the future.
If you have been involved in personal development and spiritual growth, you have probably heard someone talk about surrender.
Surrender can mean different things to different people. When you see a character in a movie surrender to the enemy, it means giving up. At least, that is the perspective from one level of consciousness.
You either fight and win, or quit and lose.
4. New possibilities
If we were not so quick to classify things, would change then be so scary? We are programmed, or we program ourselves, to quickly sum up what something, someone, or a place in order to create the illusion of safety.
Research on post-traumatic growth has also shown the experience of trauma may lead people into new activities, lifestyles and/or relationships that make life more meaningful, rich and satisfying.
Some people choose to volunteer or advocate for change in areas related to their trauma.
5. A new appreciation for life
The definition of appreciation is to understand the nature, meaning, quality or magnitude of something. It is the ability to find the beauty and freshness in life which surrounds us daily, whether we live in the city or the country.
Many people also report a greater appreciation for the life they have. Surviving a trauma may represent a second chance to rebuild your life and implement the lessons learned.
6. Reaching for growth in the face of fear
Think about the personal strength you showed in order to survive these events. Even if you made some mistakes or did some things you regret, you did what you had to do to survive, and that is something to be proud of.
“Personal Growth is the pursuit of positive activities, experiences, and education: The process expands your consciousness and opens you up to possibilities far beyond your currently perceived limits and boundaries.”
-Kathryn Arnold
