My father recently passed away unexpectedly. He was at work and not around people. My dad had a heart attack and there was no one there to call for help. The coroner called my house around 6 in the morning to give us the horrible news. The night before, my father and I had gone to get some things that I needed for school. We went to the Red Bowl near our house for dinner and had some leftovers to take home. He was perfectly fine when he left for work that night. I wish there was something I could have done. I know that it was God's timing and I have to get used to it. But, that doesn't make it any easier.
I have to learn how to be me without my daddy here to fall back on. When I couldn't get the doctor to do something, my dad would call them and they would say "yes sir'. I have to figure out how to make people do what I need them to do. I have to learn to put authority behind my words and in my voice. I need to learn how to make people see that I know what I need and no one else does. This is going to be a long process of learning to be more on my own.
One of the hardest things I am going to have to get used to is being unable to call my dad every day to talk to him about our days. I am used to calling my father at least once a day, sometimes more. Now I can't call him at all. All I have left is one voicemail on my phone that my dad sent. I have to learn to get through things like clothes, guys, and life in general without his opinion. I feel like I don't know how to live without him; he was the person I wanted to be around at all times.
I know how I am going to keep on keeping on. I have an awesome God, family, and friends to help me. God is my strength and where my help comes from. I know that God wouldn't put me through something I can't handle. I have to constantly remind myself to lean on God and my family so that I can get through this. My friends are there to lean on, to help me get things off of my mind when I need to, and sometimes to help me get away from it all. I have a great support system to lean on; the help to make it through this is coming from all sides, I just need to learn to take that support.
My dad was the biggest influence in my life. He always stuck up for me when I didn't know how to do it myself. My dad was the person that I told everything to; he was my confidant, and my best friend. Everyone tells me that I will be alright and that it will get easier; I don't think that him being gone will get easier. I do however think that it will get easier to go through my life without him. My life is changing so much right now and I'm not sure how to take it, but I am going to learn,
