I am one of the few who actually did "butt stuff" with their S.O. before regular sex. Had I known what I know about it now, I probably would have reversed the order, but tried it regardless, and I'm glad I did.
I am also one of the few that talks to my mom about my sex life. We have always had a good and open relationship when it comes to talking about personal things. It makes life a whole hell of a lot easier when you're not hiding or sneaking around.
So, when I told my mom, I genuinely think she thought I had done almost anything else and rightfully so.. Why would I attempt anal before regular sex with my S.O. other first?
I told her the deets in the most non-detailed way and I was half expecting her to be disappointed but in all actuality, her response was quite simple.
"Wow, I'm really impressed…Aren't you in pain right now?"
To which I replied, "Actually a ton, it hurts to even be sitting here talking to you."
Yes my friends, most "butt stuff" makes you sore—know this up front.
It's not that I didn't expect to be a little sore. I can handle a little soreness.
It was the horrific pain I felt walking, bending over, sitting down, or even laying on my back afterwards that took me by surprise. If you're going to attempt anal, maybe also anticipate not doing anything for the next few days too.
Along with the pain you feel, you should also be aware that you'll most likely bleed…not just at first either like you would after losing your virginity, but for the next few days that follow.
It's kinda like your period, but without the cramps, bloating, and severe mood-swings.
The aftermath of anal wasn't the scary part for me. Yeah those things put me at a slight disadvantage and were somewhat of an inconvenience.
The hard part was what came during—pun completely intended.
Expect having a lot of emotions. (Like, a TON!)
I had a mixture of emotions from:
How is this going to feel?
Will it feel good?
Will it hurt like the dickens?
What the fuck is "the dickens" anyway?
With all those thoughts roaming my mind, it was really hard to stay relaxed.
The most important thing to remember about butt stuff is to remain relaxed at all times.
WHICH IS SO DAMN HARD WHEN THERE IS SOMETHING BEING SHOVED UP YOUR ASS.
I had read articles prior to because I've always had a weird infatuation with sex and sexual things. The most important things articles stressed was to relax yourself because when you finally do-that's when it actually feels good.
Was I relaxed?
Hell. To. The. No.
Did it feel good?
I. Really. Freaking. Wanted. It. To. But no, not really.
Honestly, it most likely won't feel to you what regular sex does.
I think it just requires practice and a lot of foreplay. Your body and mind have to be in the same place, and neither one of those two things can be forced. It comes with time, and time is something I did not give myself that day.
Without lube you are in for a dry and painful ride ladies and gents.
It's also important to have lots of lube on standby, which thankfully we had.
Lastly, (something I wish would have been suggested to me first) maybe try having your partner put a finger in there first.
You may be completely up for it after that or against it. In my honest opinion, I actually think a finger feels much better, and it gets you prepped for the real deal.
Overall, baby steps are key.
Giant steps will hurt like hell.
Seriously though, don't be scared—be relaxed, and if you aren't relaxed?
Well then be scared... because it's totally okay to be nervous before you dive in to the world of butt stuff.