What is sexual assault? According to the Office on Women's Health, sexual assault is any type of forced or coerced sexual contact or behavior that happens without consent. But in reality, it's so much more than that.
It's inflicting self-harm to rid yourself of the painful memory. It's spending months afterwards crying because you can't get the feeling out of your mind. It's spending hours upon hours in therapy sessions to help you cope. It's keeping a painful secret for years because you can't bear to tell anyone. It's swallowing a bottle of pills because you can't live with what was done to you. It's nonstop guilt. It's relentless shame. For me, it almost cost me my life.
In August 2015, I attempted suicide because of a sexual assault by someone I believed and trusted. I was in the emergency room for three days and hospitalized in an inpatient facility for seven days. While hospitalized, nobody dealt with what happened to me. Nobody questioned the scars on my arms. Nobody treated the situation with any kind of respect. I was treated like a joke. I was made to feel like this was my fault. I was made to feel worthless.
It's time to stop sugar-coating this. It's time to stop treating sexual assault like a joke. It's time to take this seriously. It's time we fully understand what the reality of sexual assault is. It causes never-ending pain. It causes a lifetime of hurt. It destroys you from the inside out. Unless you've dealt with sexual assault personally, you will never understand the pain we feel. You will never know what it feels like to feel distrust in everyone around you. You will never know what it feels like to live with unrelenting guilt and shame.
To this day, nearly a year later, I'm still coping. I don't think I'll ever get the feeling out of my mind. I don't think I'll ever be fully recovered. But, I know that this wasn't my fault. I know I did not ask for this. I know that sexual assault is not a joke — and it shouldn't be treated like one. I want everyone to know: if you or someone you know has been affected, this was not your fault. Please, don't let anyone make you feel as though it is.
If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual assault, please call 877-995-5247. They're there to help. We can get through this.
