When you love someone with debilitating anxiety, everything has a fine line. Plans are never concrete, normal disagreements turn into catastrophic messes, and the foundation of your relationship turns into eggshells. You feel like everything is fragile. Everything, that is, except for you: because you can’t be. Your weaknesses become their triggers, and your insecurities torment them 10 times more than they affect you.
Don’t get me wrong, there are so many people who struggle with anxiety who can handle themselves - with exceptional bad days. They’ve learned how to cope and take care of themselves. But relationships can become incredibly toxic when an anxious person becomes dependent on their significant other to cope for them. It’s not healthy for anyone involved. In this case, the dependent person doesn’t learn to grow on their own and the weight of two worlds is on the supporters shoulders. Human beings are only so strong.
There’s a fine line between support and dependency.
This is so important to take the time to learn, in ANY relationship. It’s important for people in a relationship to support each other- in their dreams, hopes, endeavors, boundaries and pursuits. But when someone lacks the ability to do these things for themselves, it’s not healthy for them to depend on their significant other to be a substitute support system to compensate for the growth and self-development that they should be prioritizing. You can’t help anyone who refuses to help themselves.
There’s a fine line between compassion and self-destruction.
As the significant other who acts as the supporter to an anxious person, it’s so important to be patient and understanding. It can be trying and difficult, but when it’s for the better of the person you love it’s always worth it. That is, until it takes a toll on your personal emotional, physical, and mental well-being. Like I said, human beings are only so strong, and can only carry the weight of so many worlds.
As harsh as it sounds, you have to be your first priority in a relationship like this. You can’t be a support system for someone who’s unstable if you, yourself, don’t have a solid personal foundation. It will drain you if the person you are giving love disables your ability to love yourself first. Anyone who would diminish yourself worth simply isn't able to receive the love you have to give.
There’s a fine line between love and obligation.
There are things you do for people simply because of the sheer fact that you love them, and want them to be happy. And it’s a wonderful feeling to want that for someone. But love is not obligation. You are not obligated to anyone because they are a certain way. You do not have to take care of someone just because you always have. You are not bound to anything or anyone that stunts your own personal growth and development. Obligation doesn’t do anyone any favors.
The truth about loving someone with debilitating anxiety is that it’s hard. It’s difficult and passionate and beautiful, but delicate.
The truth is that it’s unhealthy to sacrifice your self-love for the love another, and you can’t help anyone who refuses to help themselves.
You can be supportive, but you cannot be the only helping force.
You’re just as important as the person you love.
