Today is my 21st birthday. I'm twenty-fun, legal, and—the most terrifying thing of all—a full-blown adult. Like every other student (especially the ones who have late birthdays like me), I've spent basically all of my college career counting down to this day. The first three years feel like you're just pushing through to the day in the future when, finally, you can go out with your friends and not worry about getting in trouble.
I'm as excited as anyone to turn 21. Just ask my friends, who have been hearing for months about which days of my birthday week we're going out, where we're going, and how we're getting home. I've been thinking about potential Instagram captions and poses for weeks. I'm plagued by stress over which restaurant my first legal drink will be at. As someone who has always been told she is mature for her age, it's nice to finally be catching up to how old I've felt for several years. I'm hype to go downtown and not pay for anything, because people will see my birthday sign and buy me drinks.
There are very few things that can top the excitement of being in college and turning 21. But let me tell another side of the truth for a second: I'm terrified of this day. Today is the day I run out of excuses for why I'm not starting to act like a real adult. How can I be a real adult? I don't pay my own rent, I have no idea how the economy works, and I can't keep a plant alive for more than three days. Whenever I have to cook for myself, I make pasta. I don't even kill bugs by myself.
And yet, here I am, being kicked off my family's frequent flyer mile pool, getting a horizontal driver's license, and going to the liquor store all by myself. I'm the baby of the family, so now my parents only have adult children. This is the last real milestone birthday—or at least the last one where I'll be begging to get a year older. From now on, every year is one step closer to needing a real career, a real apartment, a real path in life. Twenty-one-year-olds make decisions that aren't just about which bar they'll be starting at on Thursday night. They decide where to go to grad school, where to move after graduation, who they're going to be with and who they're going to be in the long-term. I'm not ready for those decisions, but I guess now I have to be.
There's such a build up to 21 and such a focus on how exciting it is that it's easy to forget how hard it is to be on the cusp of adulthood when you still want to act like a kid. My 21st birthday is one of the most fun days I've had at school, but it's also a reminder that scary things are coming faster than I want to deal with them. Maybe I'm being too cynical, or maybe I just don't want to be as grown up as I pretend I do.
Don't get me wrong; I know that I am lucky to have another year of life and to have amazing friends and family who celebrate that with me. But sometimes we all need to remind ourselves of that. Turning 21 only happens once, and I'm going to revel in it through the fear.
The truth about turning 21 is that it's incredibly exciting and completely terrifying. But then again, most of the best things are. Cheers to adulthood, and happy birthday to me.
