Before I got married and had my son I remember people making me feel like my life was over. As a young person there is a stigma that when you have a kid or get married young your “life ends” and the fun stops. When I thought about people I knew who were already married, it didn’t make me feel too excited either. People who were already married gave me the vibe that after a certain point in marriage you just learn to tolerate each other. Or that they started out in love but at some point began to hate each other. This, of course, led me to feel anxious for my new life that was quickly approaching. I felt like my fiancé and I entering into marriage was like really good friends that were afraid to date because they didn’t want to ruin their friendship. I wanted to get married but I didn’t want to fight non-stop or hate my spouse one day or even just learn to tolerate him. I liked the way things were and I didn’t want them to change. I’m glad I didn’t let peoples impressions of marriage affect me because it is the best decision I have ever made. That being said this is my take on my first two years of marriage. Some of my rookie mistakes and some helpful tools I have taken away.

Now my marriage is not your average newlywed marriage. Mostly due to the fact that our first gift as a married couple was our beautiful son. Marriage is a challenge enough on its own, it’s like walking a tightrope between two skyscrapers with inadequate training. Adding a child to the mix is like deciding to ride the tightrope on a unicycle instead of walking. Throw in my husband finishing his fifth year of college and three moves between South Carolina, the suburbs of Philadelphia and finally to our home in the heart of South West Philadelphia.

The biggest lesson I had to learn in my marriage was complete and utter reliance on God. In my marriage and my life there was so much change, instability and uncertainty. Moving several times across multiple states, school, jobs, child and no money. Sounds like a recipe for disaster but somehow we are both still standing and the only reason is God. The biggest test of our reliance on God as a married couple was when we moved from South Carolina back to Pennsylvania. The gist of the story was that I wanted to stay in South Carolina with my family but my husband was feeling led to finish school back in Pennsylvania. We were butting heads for a while unable to make a decision. At this point we were only six months into marriage with a child trying to make this life changing decision. I didn’t want to budge on getting my way because I wasn’t settled on believing God really wanted us to move all the way back to Pennsylvania. The thing that made me change my mind was after talking with our pastor.

Our pastor shared with us Ephesians 5:22-33 which explains what God says about husband and wife. However he explained it in a way that just clicked and made sense to me. Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” In Ephesians 5:25 it says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” The way its worded makes it seem like the woman has to do all of the hard stuff. We have to submit to our husbands and all the husband has to do is love his wife, that’s easy I’m already lovable. But it doesn’t just say love your wife it says, “Love your wife, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Our pastor explained how God died on the cross and made the ultimate sacrifice for the church. God isn’t asking the husband to just love his wife but to be willing to sacrifice everything and every part of himself for his wife.

Later on with that in mind my husband told me he would be willing to stay in South Carolina for me. It would mean he would lose a year or more of school because none of his credits would transfer. He said even if it meant he would be behind in school he would sacrifice it for me. His words meant a lot to me and they helped me to open my heart and my ears to God about what his plan for us was. Before I wasn’t willing to listen to anyone not even God because my family was my everything. But I believe everything happened the way it was supposed to. If I would have just blindly “submitted” to my husband because he said so I would have resented him at some point. If I would have forced my husband to stay in South Carolina I would have been just as bad as eve in the garden convincing her husband to go against God's will. But because my husband was patient with me and showed Christ to me through his actions it allowed me to come to my own conclusion and get on board with the big picture.

To refer back to the beginning of this article, no my life did not end when I got married and had my son. It did get 10 times harder and forced me to adult way more than I would want to. But there is almost no words to explain the pure joy of raising a child and growing with your soulmate in Christ and in life daily. Your life begins when you start your own family. It is absolutely hard but it is all worth it and almost impossible to remember what life was like without them in your life.