Everyone has one of those friends whose parents are “assholes”, or a friend who has parental problems, but at what point does it become child abuse? When many of us think about the term “child abuse”, some may get this messed up mental picture of a poor, starving child covered in bruises. While this may be a horrible reality for some children, most of the time this not what child abuse looks like.
Today, “child abuse” is more of an umbrella term, which means “when a parent or caregiver, whether through action or failing to act, causes injury, death, emotional harm or risk of serious harm to a child. There are many forms of child maltreatment, including neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, exploitation and emotional abuse.” According to the American Humane Association, neglect and physical abuse are the most common, though I’m sure that many people don’t even know how to identify emotional or “other,” having been used to living in such an environment (thinking that it’s normal).
I want to raise awareness to child abuse, mostly because those who may be abused may not know how to identify it. With the coming of move-in day for college students around the corner, many students may be feeling grateful or excited to get away from their families. I know I felt this way when I moved in Freshmen year – at the same time, I was sad to be away from my family, and felt as if I was betraying my father by moving in. And this, I now think of as a form of emotional abuse. I felt for a long time that I was a bad person for leaving my father alone at home while my twin sister and I both went off to school – it got to the point where I almost didn’t even go to college, because I thought it was my responsibility to stay home and look after my dad, putting my life on hold for him. While I’m sure that some people need to do this for their parents, it wasn’t necessary in my case – I felt that I had to prove myself to my dad to show him that I was a good daughter, instead of inherently and confidently thinking “of course I’m a good kid”.
The thing with child abuse is that it’s not just children hating their families – there are a lot more emotions worked in, and a lot more instinctual reactions that are created over time. For years (and sometimes now) I told myself “I deserved it, I was a horrible child, I was so mean and so angry all the time,” but at the same time, no parent should ever, ever abuse their children.
Parents are supposed to guide you through life and help you grow as an individual, and if a parent isn’t living up to, well, their parenting role, you need to be able to identify this. Coming from experience, while getting the help that you may need can be difficult, it is completely worth it in the end. Whether it ends with counseling, a warning or social worker investigations, there are ways to have healthy and reassuring relationships with your parents. No one needs to be bogged down by such harmful and toxic people.
Here is some contact info for people who don’t know where to start. Also, guidance counselors, teachers, coaches or trusted co-workers are great resources as well.
https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/
