The crying, the threats, the angry outbursts. Sounds familiar? Well, your parents are definitely toxic. Narcissistic? We'll see. Mine definitely are. And here's how you can tell.
Everything that you do is a reflection of them, how they are portrayed, and therefore, they don't like you being yourself if it doesn't benefit them in any way.
Your parents give you a script as to how you should behave when you're out with them , lecture you on what clothes you should wear, and what you shouldn't buy, and constantly critique you on your looks. You have to be the perfect daughter or son so they can brag about you to their friends, and everyone they know. If you make a mistake (because you're a human being), and the mistake isn't even that bad, they will use it against you forever and make you hate yourself.
They do not know what boundaries are, and constantly disrespect yours even if you tell them not to.
You cannot shower or use the bathroom in peace, they will always barge in, and claim that your body isn't your own, that it is theirs because you will always be a part of them. Chances are, if you lock your door, because heck you want privacy, they will give you a lecture about how there is no such thing as privacy as long as you live under their roof. My parents would randomly grab my phone and demand me to show them my text messages or tell them my password. Then, they would judge my lifestyle and proceed to say that I am stupid for saying or doing certain things, when I'm just making normal conversation with my friends. I'm 22.
Gaslighting is their favorite form of manipulation. In fact, that's all they ever do.
"No sweetie, I never said that."
"You must have heard wrong. I think you may have a hearing disorder."
"Stop lying and wanting attention for yourself. You're not the only person in this whole world."
"Why are you trying to pit your father and brother against me? You're so evil."
Common things you might hear from your narcissistic parent. Gaslighting is the card they use to get you to doubt yourself, and question your sanity. Narcissistic parents never want to admit they are wrong, or did anything wrong, and even if they do admit it, they go right back to doing it after kissing your ass and pretending it never happened.
They are extremely selfish, and in turn project onto you, and claim you are the very things that they are.
My mom would constantly rant about how selfish I was, when all I did was make sure her, my brother, and my dad's needs were met. My emotional needs were never met, and they constantly used their finances and "the parent card" over me. For example, because they paid for my tuition, and phone bill, they would put that over my head and claim they were the best parents ever because they provide me the basic necessities. Every single time, I needed a listening ear, or wanted to talk to them for anything other than academics, they would say that I was selfish or that I was such an attention whore.
They didn't want you to find forms of happiness other than them, because they feared that they can control you no longer.
I recently left home, and my life has been a rollercoaster since then. My parents would not stop bothering me, my friends, my significant other, my job, and spread fake information claiming that they were the victims and that I was their perpetrator. They would send me countless emails and demand that I meet with them to restore their relationship. Every single time I met up with them the first few times, their true nasty colors would come out. All narcissistic parents want to do is to be able to control their children, because they do not want their children to experience real happiness, just the happiness that they want to create. They only see their children as an extension of themselves, never of their own individuality.
They are either emotionally abusive, physically abusive, mentally abusive, or worse: all three.
Abuse is never good. And when it comes to a parent that is narcissistic, it only feels so much worse. It may feel like you're on an endless rollercoaster, emotions being turned on and off, that you begin to lose your perception of reality. Unfortunately, I suffered under all three forms of abuse. Once you recognize that you are indeed in an abusive environment, please find a way to leave. It will really destroy your mind and sense of self in the long run.
Empathy? What's that?
Narcissistic parents do not know what empathy is, nor do they know how to be empathetic. When I first told my parents that I was bullied, their first reaction was, "Oh my god, why do people always bother YOU, why can't you be a normal daughter." No joke. They didn't care that people pushed me down the stairs, they didn't care that I had no friends, and worst of all, they made me feel like it was all in my head. When I would cry because of feeling down and worthless, they saw me crying as an act of weakness. Both of them never came to comfort me.
I am a victim of narcissistic parents, and I recently left because I wanted to make a good life for myself. I didn't want to continue this path of self-destruction. I'm out now, but I can't say that my life has been much better, but I do feel for the first time, a sense of stability and feeling safe. I currently have a lot of trauma, and I'm not afraid to say it here, because I know there are so many other people out there that may be dealing with the same thing. I hope this article can open your eyes, and allow you to realize, that you can get out of this. This isn't your forever. People care about you, so I want you to care for yourself as well.
Love yourself, leave them behind, and find your destiny and happiness.
