"I mean your life is full of turmoil spoiled by fantasies of who you are. I feel bad for you." - "Momma" by Kendrick Lamar
My feet are barely on the ground. I’ve been getting lost in the clouds and lately, I have been feeling a distinct disconnection with my old way of life, with myself, and with everything that makes me, me. It is difficult to explain but at times I wonder if what I believe to be me, is actually who I am, and if I truly know what I’m doing with my life. There are times I have to stop mid-step and take a deep breath before proceeding.
It’s beautiful, though. Life is very beautiful and confusing like a broken hearted woman. As I learn more about the world and those in it, the more I understand I do not need to know what I’m doing. I’ve learned that attempting to web all your experiences together and remain in control does not necessarily make the quality of your life better.
However, this perpetual anxiety that pressures me to constantly stress about anything and everything, gets me exhausted. I either sleep the days away, or I can’t seem to remember the last time I’ve slept. Balance has been a stranger lately. Maybe it’s my fear of failure. There’s a stigma in this country placed on those who do not thrive in life. Do it all now and surely you’ll find the time to relax. Although I feel mellow and unbothered, I still can’t find peace.
To all those who are feeling a little lost, a little discouraged, or a mix of everything in between: Please maintain that faith in what you’re doing and why you’re doing whatever it is that currently holds all your energy and focus. Whether it be school, your career, or your advancements, do not lose sight of your goals and your dreams. The world has shown us that there are people who do not care about anyone or anything and will display the very evil we fear, but we cannot live in fear, we cannot allow this world to destroy our existence.
We have this gift and we can truly make a difference in this world by simply being the change that needs to come. Be the example that others need to see, be the inspiration everyone looks for, be who you are and those who feel your energy will not only notice your resilience, but also your determination and drive. This is what keeps the world spinning, your life is important to the well-being of everyone on this planet, don’t ever think you’re worthless or irrelevant. If no one is reminding you that they care, forget them, I care, we care, and we won’t allow you to be alone in the dark. There are people like you and me all around the world and this moment in history is pivotal when regarding our future. Be happy, be proud, and be humble. The time will come. Your time will come. Be patient, my friend.
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Whoever I am, and wherever, I am sure of this: I hope I never lose this feeling of ambition and vigor. I may be lost, maybe even forever, but I will make this life worthwhile.
Whatever you don’t know, life will teach you.
To the days ahead and to the days behind, I thank you. Let’s run a riot, shall we?
