I have trust issues. Yes, I admit it. I'll scream it at the top of my lungs on top of the highest mountain and proclaim it to the world. This flaw that consumes my life and affects just about all my relationships, friendships and my own relationship with my family has instilled in me a fear that continues to chase after me. This fear runs after me a little faster every time someone new comes into my life. This fear has manipulated my way of thinking that everyone that I get close to is going to hurt me. This fear has consumed me like a wildfire and has slowly built this wall that I don't let anyone tear down, not even God himself.
I recently, if you have read my previous articles, went through a terrible heartbreak. This served as the last straw of trust for me. It took everything in me to trust that person and let that person break down the wall that I had. Just when I felt freed from the bondage I was in and all my trust issues vanished, that person proved themselves to be just like everyone before him.
There was only one thing to do now, rebuild.
Rebuild that wall that I had up before. Starting from scratch, but this time bigger than it was before. Every day for those few months I worked on that wall. Building it by, not allowing myself to form real relationships with the people that surrounded me. Running away as soon as I saw a real connection forming with someone because the only thing I saw at that moment was that fear I mentioned starting to chase after me again.
But God stopped me one day when I was hard at work building this wall. He stopped me in my building and said: "hand over that brick you are about to lay." Naturally, I let my trust issues affect me at that moment and I struggled to hand it over to Him because I almost felt like I didn't even trust God himself anymore.
God knew this. God knew that I didn't trust him and he knew why. He saw all my hurt and heartbreak and he knew that it was going to take a lot more than just a demand for me to hand over the bricks I was lying to build this wall.
I watched that as I began to lay bricks and build God began to take one away after every one I laid. This caused me to build faster and almost try and "outdo" God.
But, just as I started to see that God could tear down my wall just as fast as I could build it. I saw I wasn't making any progress and I surrendered.
There is where he finally had my attention. There is where he let me know that I had to wrong idea of him and reminded me of everything he promises me. And if you are in this situation right now struggling with trusting that new guy that has come into your life, or that new friend, or maybe a family member you thought you could tell everything to there are a few things God wants you to know:
"Stop letting people of this world tear down your walls let me do it." — God
If you reference back earlier in this article you will read in bold how I let someone of this world tear down my wall that I had built due to trust issues. God reassured me that people of this world, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your family, your friends may be there for you now and it may seem fine and dandy when they help that wall come down but, what happens when they disappoint you in some way? You begin to rebuild that wall.
God is trying to tell you that if you let the people of this world tear down your walls and break your chains when they disappoint you it will only cause that wall to get bigger and those chains to get stronger.
God wants you to know that he says:
"Do not be afraid. The Lord your God goes with you and he will never leave you nor forsake you" — Deuteronomy 31:6
Reading that, just know that God is telling you that the fear that is engraved in your heart he says DO NOT be afraid of it because HE IS WITH YOU. God is telling you, right here and right now that HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU and HE WILL NEVER FORSAKE YOU. Meaning, that people will leave, forsake and disappoint you ultimately causing you to build that wall higher every time.
But, God will never be the reason your wall goes up he will be the PERMANENT reason it comes down.
"If you have faith you will trust me even when you don't understand or want too." — God
God wants you to know that trusting him will single-handedly be the best decision you've ever made. He promises you that:
When you can't see, he will lead you. When you can't hear he will show you. When you can't stand he will carry you. When you are lost he will always find you. When you are weak he is mighty. He will be everything you need but the catch is, you have to trust him first before he can do any of these things for you.
There are times where I am trusting in God but I am completely clueless as to what he is doing. Those are the times I talk to him and I tell him "I don't have any idea how this is gonna work but I know that you are working in my waiting. I know that you will prove that your plan was always better."
Trusting God is one of the scariest things you will ever do. Why? Well, sometimes when you are trusting God and waiting for him to show up he is silent. He doesn't keep you informed on the latest plan he just does it out of nowhere. Sometimes he isn't silent and tells you that you need to do something and maybe it's something that stretches your comfort zone but he promises that his ways and his plans are always better for our lives than our own are.
"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine." — Isaiah 55:8
Do you realize that the only things God has ever asked you to do are to love him and… Trust him?
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart" — Proverbs 3:5
The man answered, "'You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.' And, 'Love your neighbor as yourself." — Luke 10:27