I play the trombone. This is what the trombone looks like:

No, it’s not a trumpet, and it’s not a tuba. For the sake of avoiding embarrassment, don't ever call it a saxophone or some other kind of woodwind instrument -- every trombonist will probably judge you if you do. This beautiful piece of brass tube is called a trombone.

If you have ever attended a symphonic band performance, you’ve probably focused on the trombone section, because they’re perfect. And most likely, some of you musicians have felt the slightest bit of jealousy towards us trombone players, because they’re kind of a big deal. What makes trombones so perfect?

Firstly, the trombone is unlike any other air-activated instrument. It is oblong-shaped and creates notes by sliding the slide. It’s pleasing for the eyes because, while all other brass instruments are virtually shaped as an enlarged or smaller size of a distinguishable form, the trombone is the only instrument in the brass family that decides to stray from the norm. The trombone opens up completely new timbres of sound -- very avant-garde.

I have also realized that having a trombone essentially means having a license to a weapon. Do you have an annoying baritone/euphonium section in front of you? Are you feeling a little intolerant of the tubas behind you, or the trumpet section in front of you? Have no fear; the trombone is your savior. The trombone has several amenities in it too, but you should choose the appropriate weapon for your situation. First off, there’s the spit valve -- a health hazard for your unwitting fellow lower brasses who you want to target. Secondly, the loud volume at which the trombone is usually played will deafen anyone in its vicinity. Lastly, the trombone slide is a great poking contraption. What’s that? The baritone player in front of you is showing a little too much butt? Poke it...or don't. It’s up to you.

Lastly, being a trombone player means being a part of a family -- a special family, that is. After all, a trombone is a modern-day sackbut, which is already an interesting name. As an animated instrument, the trombone attracts a bevy of individuals suited to its personality. Trombone players are usually the most lively and mischievous of all the other players in any band that they are a part of, whether it be a brass band, jazz band, or symphonic band. Sometimes, they assemble together and make a trombone choir. Some has even gone to the extent to which they perform when their trombones are on fire, or they would feature choreography with their performances. Unsurprisingly, some call themselves the “tromboners,” because they’re punny (get it?).

Of course, these are three of the infinite reasons why the trombone is amazing. I hope you are well convinced that the trombone is the best instrument ever.