(Bit of a sequel to “41 ways to repel F-Boys”)
So the other weekend a few of my friends were raving on about these dating apps, Bumble and Tinder. They were like “Omg it’s so fun so many cute boys and they’re so nice!”
Yeah I think that we were talking about different sites...
SO I made a Bumble. I was like “Wow OK the girl initiates it, so it keeps the creepy guys away? Oh and the boys are cuter, maybe they’re nicer too.”
Yeah that lasted for about an hour.
A few of the boys on there started out pretty good, I must say. They were interested in my life, wondering about my major, my music taste, so on and so forth. Then one would say something weird, and that's when I lost faith in humanity.
They like all things, nothing lasts forever. For about every one nice boy on these apps there are about at least 10 creeps.
I gave up, started to find it funny, and made a Tinder.
Here’s what happened when I tried dating apps for a week. Well start off with a few Bumble messages, but honestly Bumble got pretty boring pretty quick. It takes to long for people to respond and not that many people are on it. Plus, I got lazy and decided I didn’t want to initiate anything.
1. The childhood friend
It was fine...until he made it super weird.
2. "Eh too much work"
He didn't stay too long on that subject did he?
3. The ones who hope you drop your life for them
Now switching off to Tinder…
A lot of the guys on Tinder like to invite you over. Now I’m from Maryland so “20 miles away” could be either middle of nowhere hick-ville or a cool city. Yeah not about my chances, and I think some of them may have realized this too late.
Well anyways here we go...
4. The Church Boy
I like how at first he thought I was kidding. I don't joke around about my prayer time.
5. The Coffee Drinker
I had a friend tell me a story about how one of her friends asked a boy to coffee and he answered, “Sorry, I don’t want a committed relationship right now.” (Which has to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard) I thought, “Wow let’s try it on the fratiest looking guy I can find and see how he responds.” This boy looked like he could have modeled for Total Frat Move.
I respect the boldness though on his part…but not enough.
6. This one needs his annual doctor's check up
Jesus isn't doing anything wrong here*
This boy needs to chill on multiple levels. I hope he's OK.
7. The Sports Fanatic
8. When your phone starts glitching...weird...
also it's genius*
Also this boy had a mirror selfie. Just want to make it known, if you have a mirror selfie, I am just incapable of taking you seriously.
10. The Attacker
I sent him a link to this article.
Also I don’t know if anyone told him this, but he’s on this website as well…
11. I turned into a Dad for about 10 seconds
12. I really like sports
13. Got sick of the "Whatcha up to?"
Dad jokes for days
14. Don’t think he quite appreciated the beauty of this joke. I guess he had something else on his mind.
15. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
(I really wish I had replied with that ^)
Nothing screams "romance" more than some math conversions.
Do you even Tinder if a boy doesn't ask for nudes?
Gave the man what he asked for. My fans demand so much of me.
I gave him the link to this...
17. The Satanist
18. It's not a phase, mom
19. Backstory: He saw I went to Catholic University, and he goes to Towson University
I believe there are no stupid questions, but this was the exception. So it deserved a stupid response.
20. Shoutout to my orthodontist
21. The Dietician
22. The Lover
I appreciate this one's sense of humor.
23. The Pizza Enthusiast
He took a while to respond to last one…I think that’s because he was googling whether or not Chicago was actually in New Mexico or not.
24. The Art Critic
I think Van Gogh would have appreciated this response.
I don't know, man. I guess dating apps are not for everyone, and they're sure as anything not for me.