We, the 7.4 billion of us here on planet earth, all participate in this wonderful thing called life. In general, it's pretty amazing, but it's not without its ups and downs. And, if you're anything like me, you find it a lot easier to focus on the downs than the ups. I've always been this way; my mother calls me a "negative nelly" more than she actually calls me by my first name. It's not something that I've given much thought to, it's just something I've always accepted about myself and haven't tried to change...until a couple of weeks ago.
After a particularly bad week, I found myself driving to the store to pick up a few things and the only thing on my mind was every single negative event that happened to me or people that I know throughout the week. At a red light, there was a homeless man on the corner next to my car. Despite the freezing temperature, he had the biggest smile on his face. "How can he be happy?" I thought to myself. There's no way that a person in his condition could have anything to be happy or positive about. As the light turned green, he looked over at me and made eye contact, smiled and nodded, then continued walking. I smiled back and realized that was the first time I had smiled all day.
And then it hit me.
Sure, he probably had a lot of bad things happen to him that week. He probably doesn't know where he's going to sleep that night or where his next meal is going to come from. But he doesn't let those things stop him from being at peace. Why should I let the seemingly bad things in my life bring me down? I decided to do a little experiment to test this thought.
I decided that for one week (well, really only five days--Monday through Friday), every time a negative thought popped into my head I would immediately turn it into a positive one. Then at the end of the week, I would evaluate my efforts and see if any changes were made in my day-to-day life. Of course, with any experiment, there had to be rules. Here are the ones I made up:
1. I must record every time I turned a negative thought into a positive one. (I used the Notes app on my phone.)
2. No negative thought is to be excluded; whether it's about myself, others, school, work, or a particular situation.
3. If I'm stumped and can't be positive about something, then I must do something positive for someone else.
4. I must keep this experiment to myself, just between me, myself, and I. (Well, until I shared my experiences in this article...)
And so, the grand experiment began this past Monday. **side note: I haven't included every single negative thought from each day, because I didn't want you reading for hours.**
Monday, January 25
I started out the week strong by groaning and cursing my alarm as it went off at 6:30 a.m. for cross country practice. The icing on the cake was that it was a two-a-day practice; the first one was lifting, and running was later in the afternoon. I stumbled to the bathroom to brush my teeth and, as usual, scowled at my reflection in the mirror. Morning Natalie is not a pretty sight. Why can't I wake up looking #flawless like most of my friends? It was only 6:34 a.m. and I was already angry that I was awake and angry that I had to lift and angry that I looked like a zombie. Remembering my experiment, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that by lifting I'm making my body stronger, and therefore, a better runner. And when I'm doing this, who cares what I look like? I shouldn't. That was my first taste of positive thinking. Later it happened again as I was stuck in a massive line at CVS picking up a prescription. I needed to pick up some typhoid vaccination pills as I will be traveling to Nicaragua this spring on a service trip. After 20 minutes in line, the string of negativity began in my head. "This is pointless, they're so slow, I'll come back later, why are people so annoying, etc." I caught myself and stopped right there. I told myself I should be excited to be in this extremely long line, because after I'm done I'll be one step closer to Nicaragua. I have an incredible opportunity and I shouldn't waste it by complaining.
Tuesday, January 26
Tuesday went a little smoother for me compared to Monday, though it wasn't without its trials. The only major thing that I struggled with was a job interview. I had one that morning for a position that I desperately wanted. I went in already feeling anxious and nervous and thinking I wouldn't get it, and I hadn't even interviewed yet! I'm sure this nervousness and negativity showed in the interview, because I didn't think it went very well. As I left and walked to my car when I was done, my eyes started to fill with tears because I felt like such a failure. Not even supporting words from my mom or my boyfriend could make me feel better. I finally realized that I'm the only one who can do that. So I told myself to stop feeling sorry for myself, and that if I'm not meant to get the job then that's just the way it is. There's a million other employment opportunities out there, and just because I didn't get one doesn't mean I won't find another.
Wednesday, January 27
Wednesday was full of a lot of little things that upset me. I overslept a little that morning, so I hurriedly threw on some mismatched clothes and headed to class looking pretty rough. As I sat down to eat lunch with my friends later, I noticed once again how beautiful they all are, even in sweats or not a trace of makeup. What started as me wishing I had worn something different turned into me hating my hair, my clothes, my acne, and my total lack of confidence. "Natalie, you always look terrible, you never have enough cute clothes like everyone else..." I stopped myself there and tried to be positive. I thought about how I'm the kind of person who would rather spend my money on fun and cool experiences and memories, like concerts or dinner with friends, than on expensive name-brand clothes. And I was surprisingly OK with that. For once I felt genuinely better after thinking positively. This continued on into Spanish class. We are currently studying a particularly difficult verb tense right now, and I was getting everything wrong that my professor asked me. I felt so stupid. But I quickly shot this down by thinking about how far I've come in the past few years; I can understand and speak the language so much better since coming to college, and that's something to be proud of.
Thursday, January 28
Thursday was a strange but interesting day in terms of this experiment. Do you ever have those days where you can't seem to be cheerful or upbeat about anything? It's just kind of a blah day? That's how Thursday was for me. It's not that I was upset, I just felt kind of down for no reason. There weren't any particular times when I was majorly negative and had to make myself be positive. I think it's OK to have these days every once in a while. Positivity is good, but it can't be forced. But, I had to follow my rules that I set for this experiment. Since I couldn't seem to make myself be positive, I had to do something positive for someone else. So I sent a long text to an old friend who I've lost contact with, telling her that I love her and miss her.
Friday, January 29
The last day of my experiment really showed me how much of a difference positivity can make. I began the day being sad and disappointed that I still hadn't gotten a call back from the person who interviewed me; I felt like a failure once again. This thought hadn't even completed its way through my mind though before a better thought came through. I remembered that there are a million other opportunities for me out there to make money other than this job. It was time to accept that I probably didn't get it, and move on. And I felt ready to do so. Later, I was looking at my planner and groaning at all the homework I had to do over the weekend. Once again, I was able to immediately shut this thought down with a more positive one. I realized that I have fun plans with friends this weekend, I'm going to eat at new breakfast restaurant with some of my sorority sisters, I'll get to spend quality time with my boyfriend, and to top it all off the weather will be absolutely gorgeous. I found myself stupidly smiling at all these things and excited for the days to come.
Looking back.
As I sit here typing this extremely long article, (props to you for getting this far), I find myself so grateful that I had that encounter with the homeless man. Without it, I wouldn't have come up with this experiment and wouldn't have learned the things I did. I'd say this experiment was a success because I found it easier and easier as the days went by to be more positive. Not only did I come out with a different perspective, but it taught me a few things.
Lesson #1: Being positive isn't easy.
For most people, it's easy to get bogged down in life's problems, myself included. I had to force myself the first few days of this week to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. And boy, was it difficult. It took me almost a week just to be able to do it with more ease.
Lesson #2: Positivity has a positive effect.
As the week went by, when I thought positive, happy thoughts, I found myself feeling more relaxed and happy and content with myself. This is immensely better than the harsh attitude I can so easily have. As cheesy as it sounds, the world seemed a little bit brighter and a little more peaceful when I let go of all the dark, negative thoughts swirling in my head.
Lesson #3: You don't ALWAYS have to be happy.
Sometimes, there are certain things in life that are hard to bounce back from. Terrible things happen, leaving us feeling drained and utterly sad. But that's okay. Sadness and hurt and anger are completely normal aspects of being human. It's impossible to walk around with a smile on your face constantly. Sometimes, you just can't be positive. Again, that's okay. Take Thursday for example. I found myself in a blue state and none of my efforts were working for me. Accepting that those feelings are only temporary is key to starting the process of feeling better.
Lesson #4: Life's too short to be negative.
Life is constantly moving forward. Even when bad things happen, time doesn't stop. It's useless to sit around and wallow in misery. If there's anything I've learned from this experiment, it's that positivity is better than negativity whenever possible. Don't waste your life away by being unhappy. I can tell you from experience that positivity can have an amazing impact on your life, if you let it. It's better to stop and appreciate what you have and where you're going than to focus on what you don't have.
In the words of the immortal Ferris Bueller:
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
