Bipolar disorder: a mental illness that brings severe high and low moods and changes in sleep, energy, thinking, and behavior (WebMD). Years I have spent obsessing over learning everything I could about this illness. Hours I have spent straining both my eyes and my brain reading about this late at night. I read and convinced myself into believing I had this disorder, this mental sickness. Telling people I had this before they got involved in my life. I cursed myself into pushing people away with this thinking. But no longer. As of this week, I have learned this illness is not a part of me; I don’t have it. And boy, do I feel relieved.
I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. I feel like a new person, reborn almost. Since the day I walked out of my therapist’s office, I have felt at ease. I’m not sick. I have felt confined, defined by this illness for many years because of my short temper and sensitivity. I have been open to discuss my false reality now that I have hidden for a while.
I was not the only one who restricted myself like that, and people still are living as I was. A few weird symptoms and people jump to the Internet to Google them. We read and read until we find something that best fits our symptoms. Usually, it is so far off and not what is really going on. For example, those headaches usually are not the early stages of brain cancer. I often recall telling boys I was interested in about being bipolar and they were quick to leave. I have friends I have told this to and luckily they have stayed by my side and loyal. Sometimes we are blessed with amazing friends like them. (I’m looking at you, my lovelies. Major props.) But other people are not always as lucky as I have been.
After a quick Google search prompting the question “what percent of people read and believe WebMD?”, 6.3 million results popped up in 0.62 seconds. 6.3 million results. Just let that number set in. Disturbing, isn't it? But not many people see these results as such. I do. Because of my own toxic obsessing, I know how unhealthy it is to brand yourself as whatever you have searched. I know others do the same as I do. This is not an accusing article, but instead an informational one as well as personal. I am not here to incriminate any such person who races to this site when they have a headache or a weird rash. I have done the same. My advice though: talk to a professional before you brand yourself with something that can change people’s views of you or how they treat you. And to the people who are afraid to be in a person’s life once they learn about something like this, whether real or not, I wish you could see beyond the labels and love that person anyways. Every person is amazing and wonderful as is, no matter the labels. I’m so blessed and thankful to have learned this about myself.
