"Don't be in such a rush to figure everything out. Embrace the unknown and let your life surprise you."
I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life anymore. You walk into college thinking you're on the course of action you'd had planned all your years of high school, and a short few years later, after spending a summer away, you are in this place of the unknown. Everything you've worked for, the hours you've spent, the amount of work you've put in feels like it's been for nothing. You don't know why you're feeling like this - maybe it's the fact that you're burned out. Maybe you need a pause from the craziness and hectic lifestyle you've found yourself in. Maybe you're overthinking this and it's just a bump in the road on to the path of bigger and better things. But maybe it's none of those things.
Maybe it's your gut telling you that you need a pause - that you need to get away, to find yourself, to truly find what brings you the most amount of joy. And the only way to really achieve this is to get away from the place that is bringing you these doubts. And it's not to say that these doubts are highlighted by others, it's just this little voice in the back of your mind telling you something is off. That something, somehow, feels just a tad off kilter. And you don't quite know why it's there or what plans it has for you, but you're curious. You're scared. You want the answers and you're not getting them, so you look elsewhere. And that curiosity leads you down a different path, one that you're not quite sure will work out.
And that's what this semester has been about - trying to figure my life out. I graduate at the end of April with a BFA in Theatre Design and Technology, after a tumultuous, adventurous, trip-of-a-lifetime four years in the middle of Ohio. These four years have taught me an incredible amount about myself, my career path, my chosen destiny and of course, the scarcity of the unknown.
I'm facing a lot of fear with the upcoming events that are about to take over my life. In the spring semester, I am allowed to do anything I want, basically. I am not required to be on campus, not required to complete another internship (as I already did one this summer), and therefore, it is mine to do with what I please. I've completed all of the graduation requirements, and now I'm at a standstill. I have plans but I don't know if they will come true, so I'm trying to figure out what my life will be like these upcoming months. Will I go home, and be for a semester? Get a normal job and live like that? Will I be in Orlando and make that my new home? Will I go elsewhere?
All of these questions are running through my head, and its hard for me to grapple with the fact that the one person who always had the answers is not here to answer those for me. She's not a phone call away. She's not a text away. I need her to guide me, to help me realize what I'm supposed to do next.
What I'm supposed to be next, essentially.
But maybe that's the learning curve of all this, you know? Maybe I had the experiences this summer to help me push my life forward. It showed me that maybe this wasn't the exact path I wanted to be on, but by keeping forward and graduating with this degree, it'll get me farther in my career than if I hadn't gone for it. I will use this degree in so many ways, and maybe it's helping me to lead me to the path I want to be on - Disney.
Maybe everything I've gone through will lead me to Disney, and lead me to open the door for a beautiful partnership that is just beginning.
And maybe, for you, if you're also scared of what's next, or you're scared for any reason maybe this will also help you - it's okay to not know, to not understand. But that's the point of growing up, to realize things on your own and in your own time. To find what makes you happy and keep that as a goal in mind. To always shoot for the stars, and keep on keeping on.
Life is what you make it, and you're allowed to decide how you get there. On your own terms and in your own way.
Embrace the mess you are, embrace the unknown and don't be fearful of the future.
