Not everyone is blessed with being accepted for who they are. Sometimes family turns you away, friends don’t accept you for who you are and people look at you differently. I decided to sit down with a close friend of mine who is transgender, female to male. Listening to him talk to me was a great learning experience and I would really appreciate if everyone stayed open minded while reading this Q&A.
What does Transgender mean?
Answer: Transgender is a term that describes people who don’t identify as the genders they’re assigned at birth. Example: biological female identifies as male is a trans guy.
How old were you when you knew that you were transgender?
Answer: I was 22 almost 23 when I first openly admitted it to a good friend. However, I think I’ve always known on some level that how I saw myself didn’t necessarily match with what people saw. There’s a picture that still exists today I was probably 7 maybe 8 I got my little brother to trade bathing suits with me so while he wore what a girl would wear I had on a pair of boy’s swim trunks no shirt. I may not have had the words 19, almost 20 years ago to describe how I felt but now I do.
What are some misconceptions about transgender women and men?
Answer: There’s the misconception that all trans people go through surgeries and HRT or Hormone Replacement Therapy. That’s not true. It depends on the person. Someone might want to do both and that’s okay.
What was it like when you started telling people? Friends? Family?
Answer: The first friend I told was really cool and looked at me and said I knew I was waiting for you to say something. Since then I’ve told only close friends and they’ve all been really awesome and accepting. My family has no idea and I’m not really sure how or when to tell them.
When you told or when you tell people, do they understand?
Answer: The people I’ve told have understood to a certain degree. Once I explain what it all means and how I’ve come to realize and I tell them that I’ve been this way more or less my entire life. They’re understanding.
Do people ever tell you that you are just going through a phase?
Answer: One of my friends just after I told him said that he thought I was doing this because I wanted attention. Once I explained that I’m not doing anything other than being who I am and who I have been he came around to knowing that this is me.
Have people ever made fun of you for being transgendered?
Answer: Nope, I’m very blessed that way. I remember one time after work when I was in Florida I went with a coworker to Magic Kingdom. She knew at the time and we were with her roommates who had no idea. I was introduced to them with my preferred name and they were none the wiser that all wasn’t what it seemed.
Do people ask you what pronouns you prefer to use? Do you get offended if people don’t use the correct pronouns?
Answer: Some people do ask which pronouns I prefer. As my family still has no idea I’m comfortable with both and if someone who knows inadvertently uses the wrong pronoun I don’t get offended.
Was it difficult or easy adjusting to this new lifestyle or have you fully adjusted? What have you done differently now that you didn’t do before?
Answer: I don’t think I’ve done any adjusting, as I feel like I’ve always been who I am. The one thing I do differently now than I did before is I’m more comfortable shopping for clothes and wearing what I want to wear and not giving a hoot what people think when they see a gender assigned female shopping in the men’s section.
When you use public restrooms, do you use the gender you prefer or the gender you were assigned at birth?
Answer: Restroom usage depends on the situation and location. If I feel comfortable enough I’ll use the men’s room (gender I prefer) but if I’m not comfortable I will use the women’s room. Typically, I’ll stick to the restrooms that are unisex.
Have you ever been depressed because of feeling different or misunderstood?
Answer: Depression comes and goes just like everybody else. It’s not so much of being misunderstood it’s more of how I see myself doesn’t reflect how everyone else sees me and the thought of being alone.
Have you ever thought about harming yourself or taking your own life from being depressed?
Answer: Definitely 100%. I’ve noticed it more as I’ve become more comfortable with myself. Specifically, I remember there was a morning I woke up and hated what and who I saw in the mirror looking back at me. I was tempted to take a razor blade or knife or some sharp object didn’t really care what it was and cut off my chest. Depression and harming yourself hits everyone different.
Are you on any medications to help with the process of changing genders?
Answer: It’s a work in progress. Getting on HRT is a process with multiple steps. I wish it were an easier process but alas not so much. To even get on HRT you need to be seen by a psychotherapist.
Have you ever considered having gender reassignment?
Answer: All the time. At first, I wasn’t sure it was a step I was willing or wanting to take but now a few years after I’ve come out I’m leaning more towards at least doing “top surgery” or chest reconstructive surgery where they make the female chest look more masculine.
Do you have people who are there to support you?
Answer: I’m very lucky and blessed to have a group of friends that is behind me 100% percent. (Side note for you Alyssa: I love you tons and thank you for being there for me through every depressed mood, great day, horrible day, and everything in between I don’t know what I would do or where I would be without you.)
Why do people have a hard time differentiating between sexual orientation and gender identity?
Answer: Sexual orientation delves into who you’re attracted to physically and emotionally. Gender identity is how one identifies. I think many people think the two are connected in some way but they’re completely different. How one identifies has no reflection on who they’re attracted to.
What has been trans taught you?
Answer: Being trans has taught me how to finally feel comfortable to be myself. I used to feel like I had to hide a part of myself away almost like I was playing a character that you would see in a movie. Being Em most of the time is freeing.
