What do I do when I feel like anything I do will make the situation worse. What do I do when I know everything I do makes someone mad. I try to be kind and it blows up in my face. I want to find a common ground but my efforts fail.
I don't feel at home, I feel trapped in a place that is suppose to be home. I should be excited to come home, but I feel uneasy. Will my stuff still be there? Will my favorite coffee cup my mom got me be broke in pieces on the floor? Will I get a call saying where I live has burned down?
Half of the space is mine but I don't feel comfortable moving outside of my room, so I keep as much as I can in my room. My room, my sanctuary, my small space where I feel like I can be myself. I feel safe, but not as safe as I feel in my car or at the gym.
I don't feel welcome, so I go to the gym just to get away. I do my homework, I listen to music, I'm able to shut the world out, even just for a couple hours. But then my happy place is intruded by somebody that I use to know. I refuse to let my happy place be taken from me, so I pretend to be oblivious. One of the hardest things I've learned is that some people aren't worth your time. That's hard for me, I'm someone who has so much faith in people,it could move buildings.
I feel at a complete loss. I can only hide at the gym for so long. I don't know what to do. I just want things to be better. I want to feel like myself again. I got a tattoo on my ribs of a sun to always remind myself to never let anyone steal my sunshine and someone has done just that, yet again.
So where do I go from here.... only time will tell.